If you ever witness my audacity, do creep into my heart♥

Bla bla bla...

2011-09-05T16:14:00.002+08:00

Yeah, I don't know why I even bother telling or even asking you those stuffs.

When you wrote about her she seemed so perfect.

From head to toe.

Beautiful words, flattering phrases.

She's your angel.

But when you mentioned me,

I'm just simply a devil.

And damn, how more insincere can you be,

with all those typo.

I seriously don't know why I even bother telling or even asking you those stuffs.

Raya-bulous Day 2

2011-08-31T21:31:00.005+08:00

Raya holiday is not over and I'm still in the process of enjoying it to the fullest. Went to Boulevard yesterday with Boo Boo. Never shopped in such a relaxing pace. Walked through discounted clothes, ate ABC in the food court, had a pretty promising haircut, went to home and living section for a long stroll, squatted in Popular looking for suitable books and finally KFC for dinner. It was great. (:

And so today sis invited us to go Siar Beach, located in Lundu, which is one an a half hour drive away from Kuching. Gruesome, the drive. I swear I almost died from it ugh. But there was fresh air and cooling air to keep me refreshed and alive. Thank God.

Reached there after it feels like forever in the car and on the road. We sneaked in and saved a cost of RM30 for the pool fee. :p All the road trip was worth it after seeing my niece kicked her legs and flapped and almost flung her arms in her float in the pool. Omg she's the most adorable thing on earth. And then I realized my nephew's lips were shaking before he froze in the pool and we scooped him out and dry him. Bahahahahaha cute lil' things both of them. <3

My sis prepared us a thrifty lunch (I thought it might be in our genes, my sis and I, both saving up money through thrifty lunch lol) with peanut butter and honey spread over buns, crackers, and all sorts of tit bits, and ice cream as dessert! All on sis's treat. :D Wonderful trip.

And only till dinner that my mom noticed my burnt arm. I look like a roasted pork now! Urgh. I can't afford to get anymore darker.

Sadness to the max. SOBS. D':

Whatever. Hope it grew back to my ideal complexion a.s.a.p. *fingers crossed* That's the only souvenir for my holiday and I just want it gone.

Am planning to bring my niece to Chicago 7 for lunch tomorrow for an "aunt and niece" date. Too bad Boo Boo can't go with us. No mischief tomorrow, tiny girl, or else I'll throw you alone there. Teehee.

Can't wait to go bed. Worn out after a long long day. I know my Boo Boo had an even longer day. Thanks for the drive, even though the ride was as terrible as riding on the back of a horse, you had been really nice of doing everything. I love you much. (:

Raya-bulous Weekend

2011-08-29T00:31:00.001+08:00

It's been a bee-you-tee-fool life since Monday(22/8) afternoon.
I was still in a dormant state the whole morning and being ignorant to the whole world, I mean whoever spoken to me.
And the surprise came by when it was exactly 12noon, I clicked the log in button and was dumbfounded for a few good minutes before screaming yelling squeaking or whatever you use to describe the sound when a chicken is being slashed at the throat, scaring everyone out, and dancing around the house like a cow. My leg went jelly after a few while and started crying on the floor. But the most important thing is that my mom hugged me. All the hard work seemed worthwhile afterall. (:

Now I feel like the luckiest girl only having 3 papers left by the end of the year, all semangat and motivated to go on with my life. Despite all the shitty things going on in my life before that and screwed my life upside down, I fell in love with my life again.

And this weekend is again one of the best ever. Went to Sale of Work at Salvation Army Boys' Home yesterday (Saturday) like I have done for the past 20 years. I don't know why I just can never get sick of it. There are so many familiar faces there and I felt just right in place. Was wondering what it would be years later when all my friends grew up and leave the Home and the staffs turned over and no one remembers how mighty my mom used to be anymore. Sad right, I thought my mom is legendary.

Anyway, what's different this year is that Dric and I brought my niece along!!!! I was ecstatic when I got out of room and my mom threw me the permission. All 3 of us were over the rainbow, hand-in-hand we set off, walked around, crossed the road, strolled around and peeped at everything at every stall. (:

I bought her books and a stationary set and an ice-cream! She must've thought it was her birthday. I then quickly took the advantage to kidnap her heart to go out with me for another time. She's such a sweet little angel. Her being happy, is worth all my sweat and strength. Also, big thanks to Baby for bearing with me and the crowd under that heat, and helping me taking care of my precious niece. You are one wonderful man. (:

Had a long nap over the afternoon and woke up near evening, had a thrifty dinner, and went to watch Final Destination 5 in 3D! Gahhhh there's not much difference with or without the effect though I think, except the actors list, which was quite irrelevant for me. I'd rather get a 2D one without the heavy glasses pushing my nose further flat. •o•

And this morning, I got up at 7.30am. Not very tzeyee right? Oh well who cares about sleep when it comes to the beach!!! It's been one of my biggest love. The weather was perfectly perfect! Dric had to go for church service, and for once I was willing to be alone, just to have a lazy morning laying on the beach reading a book, with the sound of waves and breeze keeping me awake.

We had a walk by the beach after his service (oh, it wasn't quite "after" though cause he escaped through the back door when everyone's praying, and it's his friend who broke me the secret). It seemed so romantic in the film strolling along the sandy beach but I didn't feel any bit of romance at all. All I wanted to do was to dip myself in a tub of sunblock and never get out. Bahahaha.

Then I was finally dragged reluctantly away from the beach to a room of Dric's friend's. And there I met a bunch of great people! Oh well, I supposed I met them before, just that I really have trouble remembering people's name. The youth group was really nice. And I succeeded implanting 3 girls' names into my mind, while the rest of the group... Hello they're all like..guys... Okay they all look alike, my goodness. They all wear specs! How could I ever know who is who? Leave alone their names.

Then, me and Dric and the other 3 girls and the bunch of "identical guys", we went to mcd for lunch. By the time I reached home it was 3pm. I was exhausted. Really exhausted. But I was glowing inside. I had such a great time chit-chatting and laughing with the youth group!

I spent the rest of the evening lazing on the couch talking to my parents, looking how cute mom was when she told me about her day. (: Dric had to send her beloved sis off, whom isn't here to annoy him until a year later, according to him. The both of them make a really sweet siblings. It's like they're constantly complaining how they dislike each other and keep bullying and annoying each other, but they love each other deep down. I know cause Dric told me. He told me he loves his sis very much. I swear. :D

So the later part of my Sunday ended in the kitchen. Mom and dad and Dric were all busy with their own stuffs so there was no one to help me with dinner. But I impressed mom with my efficiency, I believe. Dad praised my soup being superb. Mom said the spring roll was terrific.
And my point is that MY BOYFRIEND DIDN'T EVEN SAID YUMMY. D: Oh well. I should be grateful enough that he brought over the movie I've been longing for our Sunday movie session. Grave's Encounter!!!! Was kinda disappointed at the ending. It's so much like Quaratine, the storyline and all, besides that it's ghost-based, not zombie or whatever disease.

So here I am, one of the luckiest girl, lying in my bed after a heart-attacking "plants vs zombies" tuition with my boyfriend, noting down one of my best moments in life. (p/s: Plants vs Zombies really sucks)

I know there would be so many hard and tough times to come in the future, just like those I had gone through. But whenever it hits me, I will always ensure myself that there will be rainbow after the rain. I believe that's why God gave my life such a hard time before this Monday, and then He threw this happy bomb that almost blew my brain off. I appreciate it so much, just the way my life is now. With ups and downs, that keeps me strong. I can make it through every rocks and obstacles, I know I can. I know I never lose the faith and belief in me.

Thank God for this beautiful world and beautiful life, and also my beautiful boyfriend. I love you, Baby. (p/s: thanks for the help with the dishes!) <3 (:

Jar of Hearts.

2011-08-02T02:27:00.001+08:00

I hated you, from the core of my core to the core of yours. Cause darling, your soul is made of ice. Or perhaps, you don't own one at all.

I gave you my all, all of me inside, all I had, all I could. And the only return you gave was all promises broken, shattered into pieces a little better than what I turned out to be after you left.

You emptied me, just when I gave all up for you, arrived at a new world, with a new life, new environment and new strangers. My future I gave up for you, seemed so worthless under your feet.

They didn't understand why I did it all for you, I thought you and I were both crystal clear. Guess I was all alone with the understanding afterall.

And the new strangers don't know who you actually are. They never in their life can imagine how far I had gone and fought for us, for our so-called love. And just when we're about to break through, you left. Like a cat leaving her litter of kittens. No doors to knock on, no fire for any warmth, no arms for a hug, not even a piece of cloud for a shelter.

In half a year's time, I cried more than a river. And slowly I learnt to hold back my tears. Then you came back and told me how much you'd missed me, that how you wished you could have us both in one body, then you could keep us, me and her, together as yours.

You might not know how much I wanted to kill you that time. I wanted you to repay my tears with your blood. This is your perfect way of collecting your jar of hearts, your perfectly cruel way.

I still hate you. I believe the jar my heart had been kept had been replaced countless times, new ones, more and more coming, more and more lifeless soul you murdered.

Yes, I still cry my shit out whenever I thought of the way you had trashed me. The pain I stood up all alone when I was half dead is imprinted in my soul.

Yes, I still suffocate whenever I stood in front of the mirror, remembering how I once stood in front of it, about to cut my wrist open.

But that doesn't mean I love you still, not even a trace of love. I just pity myself, and my heart inside your jar.

So don't come back telling me how pretty I am, cause I don't fucking give a damn to what you say. No more naive and foolish little girl I am, not the one who would give up a whole world for you.

People are pointing behind my back. I'd been constantly changing the guy walking beside me. They came and they went, so are their traces in my blog. But not yours.
They don't know the way you're planted in my flesh. They can't see the fact that I can't trust anyone anymore. That all of them who left me like you did couldn't hurt me anymore. I've grown so strong, your cold blood made me so strong.

And then I met another me, with eyes like a lake, hopeful, faithful, naive, diamoney clear. He brought away the black and white life you gave. He brought me back colours. He's the one I used to be years back.

I ain't no heart collector. So I ain't no hurting him. I cherish him, he's my painting palette.

You're living your another and another new life. New girls every now and then, giving them surprises and promises with sweet talks just the way I remembered. They all fall your award winning disguise, just like me.

I don't know where will the jars and the scarry souls your torn apart bring you to, but I know for sure, that one day those jars are going to fall onto you. You'll get in return a thousand and a million times of what I've gone through. One day. I curse you with all my life.
You're the one thing I can never forgive in my life.

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-09T00:27:00.001+08:00

It's mother's day today. Guiltily, I did not buy anything at all for my mom. I promised to buy her her favorite coffee powder imported from Columbia but I can't seem to get it anywhere.
Neither did my sister bought her anything, except a treat of dinner last night.

From what I can remember, my mom never liked flowers or cards or cakes. She'd give us a lecture instead of hugging us saying thank you like any other typical mothers. So this is my mom. That's why long long time ago when I was in my early junior years in high school, I was flattered to find out that mom brought a birthday card I made for her and showed it off to the kids in Salvation Army. It was then I realized most of the times she doesn't mean what she is physically communicating.

But somehow, the card-making-enthusiasism faded as I grow old. I no longer have the time to sit down there for hours cutting and gluing parts and pieces. And so like any other grown-ups, I started making good use of money. But thinking of it, I am still spending my parents' money. Tsk tsk tsk.

A mother's day without gifts seems quite gloomy. Exceptionally, my mom looked so bright when my niece and nephew visited her. It all came clear. Them and us, we all are her everything. And I can already see through her fear of being lonely after all of us grow up.

It crinkles my heart thinking of how much she had done for sis and I. Her hair is bleaching day by day, nevertheless, she still works for the family like before. My mom is the mightiest mom ever. She is not only my mom. She's mother of all Salvation Army's children and mother of all kids who need love. And I am never jealous of that fact. (:

I used to describe my mom as a very pretty woman in one of my essay I wrote. She really is pretty. Inside out. Even though she doesn't put on make up, even though she doesn't wear glam clothes, even though she doesn't perm her hair and style it, she is the prettiest woman in my eyes. Because of her strength, because of her faith in everyone she loves, because of her wisdom, because of her patience and because of her unconditional love. It's undeniable.

I never said these three words right into her face, but I hope she would understand that I still love her no matter how much I used to rebel her every single word, how much I used to disappoint her, how much I've made her mad, and even the times I thought she'd make me feel embarrassed. I feel awful thinking of the past and ashamed of myself. I just hope mom can stay healthy so that she can be always by my side, giving me right advices. And of course, for me to repay her the love she've given us.

Mom, happy mother's day. Please remember that I will not only appreciate what you've done for us on this day, but also every other days in my life. You're the best mother ever. I love you.

T.H.E. Sunday

2011-04-24T21:26:00.005+08:00

Whee I think I just hit the hundredth post for the sushi chaos post. Haha. I need to get a champagne and have a celebration.

And I know my Duckie Mallie is delighted I'm back to blogging. Hope that reading my blog would help distressing her cause apparently she's really stressed from her studies until she has to constantly make me laugh alone even when she's million miles away from me. Ugh. She's a karma that won't let go.

But the good news for today is that my 2 loves, Kristy the Penguin and Kristen the Duckie, WOULD BE VISITING ME NEXT YEAR!!!!!! Kristy hasn't confirmed though and I know what's on her mind. Taiwan more attractive than me ayee. Bahahaha.

p/s: I think I'd have heart attack if I talk to both of them for more than 2 hours. I almost punched right into my lappie screen just now. =.=

p/p/s: DEAR MALLIE I JUST BLOGGED ABOUT YOU AS REQUESTED SO PLEASE STOP TORTURING ME OR ELSE I'D HAVE BROKEN LIVER AND KIDNEYS TRYING SO HARD TO HOLD BACK MY LAUGH AND YOU WOULD HAVE TO TREAT ME F.O.C., DOCTOR-TO-BE.

I had a very fantastically good Good Friday on friday cause I had KFC for lunch! (double fattening double ugh)

But we saved RM10 from the meal thanks to Mummy for the voucher she gave me, and also I got to upsize one fries and one pepsi from the voucher in my mailbox. Lol lucky fattie me. It's God's will to make me fat. Hmph.

Had another one of the worst Saturday last night cause smartass FTMS arranged my most disgusted F5 lesson from after 2pm till 8.45pm. And so I missed another date with my Boo Boo. Sadness. I LOVE MY LIFE.

Feel so lazy again thinking tomorrow's Monday and I have to go through another tedious week of work with so many things to deal with and so many cryings to bear with and so many books to gulp in. I LOVE MY LIFE DON'T I.

My backbone is hurting again lately and I don't know what to do other than complaining and swallowing back my tears. Why must this tragic fall on me. I LOVE MY LIFE JUST ANOTHER REMINDER.

I don't know what else to write cause my back is hurting again and I need to go lie down somewhere for a while. Toodles. :D

Post Created 20/04/2011 22:59:58

2011-04-20T23:00:00.001+08:00

心情糟糕透了。
没必要有理由，
只想大哭一场。

2011-04-20T01:26:00.001+08:00

Oh yeayyy I finally found a way out to update my blog through iPhone! Hallelujah!

Late Night

2011-04-18T03:54:00.001+08:00

WTF the rooster next door is already crowing.

2011-04-18T01:08:00.003+08:00

Blogging from a world clocked 0109, a chilling midnight. Ah, I mean early morning.

Been a productive day with spices of laze. But it's been a long long day I've got and pretty much in my knowledge pocket.

Have been sleeping uber "early" these days. I really wished I have 48 hours in a day so that I can get all my to-do-list cleared. I LOVE MY LIFE. So much.

What's better than receiving pimples as a token of appreciation for singing along with the early 4am birds. Gahhh. Oh that reminds me, masque plan today was totally out of mind! Ugh.

Watched Scre4m and I am considering getting myself an ear muffler even though we don't get snowy season in Malaysia, cause that's the only way I satisfy my crave for horror movies but still keep the heartattack away. still breathing (:

Am satisfied for cleaning Pa and Ma's room and placed everything into places earlier this noon and guess what. I FINALLY CLEARED MY WARDROBE. *clap clap* (:

Sent away 2 big bags of unwanted clothes aka reminder of fatness. And since then it gets me wondering why is the wardrobe still so cramped. Have I been shopping too much? Weird. Shall share some private pics here someday with my explosive closet. Hmm but most of them, I don't wear. Weirder.

Conclusion: manifestation of shopaholic syndrome.

Went out for an official date with my boy last night after oh-so-long.

I really need plastic surgery for my nose.

Well even flat nosed need to get sleep. Night world.

*dumb dumb talking to all those already dreaming*

2010-11-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

Be my man,

forever, Babe. ♥

2010-10-24T22:00:00.002+08:00

I'M BACK!!!

Woohoo~ When was the last post? I seriously can't remember. I can't even remember when was the last time I clicked on my blog's URL. Well, outcome of Facebook. It seems like my everyday life and everyday-interesting-happenings had been posted out and shared there. And the satisfaction of friends reacting to it is wayyyy higher than that on my blog. (:

Life has been smooth like a smoothie. (Someone gonna "bin jiao jiao" now. Tsk tsk tsk...) Except the part where Mom and I still cannot tolerate with each other, as usual and forever. I wonder why. School's been giving me much entertainment than being at home and baby-sit my 2 wonderful angelic devil. The headache is way more than what a human can take.

Tests and exams are pilling up, and my hair is dropping more. But so far, surprisingly, I'm doing pretty well. Thinking back, I seriously couldn't relate how my life would get involved with Accountancy. But I thank God I took this path, cause I really enjoy all the grassland and flowers that bloom and birds that sing along this road, especially when I met my very special angel. (:

Speaking of my angel, I think I kinda promised him to "publish" his name here.

Ta-Da!! Godric Chong. Okay, this is damn lame. *snow flakes falling*

I just want to let you know, Baby Boy, that I thank you so much for all that you've done.

All the tolerance with my temper,

all the surprises that made my whole week,

all the patience with me,

all the supports you whispered into my ears through thick and thin.

I know we'll turn out to be real, Baby, out future, all that we dream and plan, cause I'm not going to give up for your smile, the very first smile you gave me when we first met, imprinted deep in my mind and my soul. ♥

I know I'm your source of suffocation and headache, with all my weird personality and characters. Here, I would like to apologize heartily, for all that I've done. (Yeah yeah yeah, I know I'll do it all over again despite thousand times of apologies. Well, you know me, Honey.)

I never known anyone who would make me feel this way, and I knew you did because you're special. I love you, more than words.

Hand in hand, till the end. (:

And so...

The story continues.

Good night, world.

And you... ♥

2010-05-25T01:05:00.002+08:00

这个世界上，

什么是黑，

什么是白，

我已经分不清楚了。

为何人总要这么耍心机？

世上，

就真得再也没有人留恋真实的感情了吗？

多希望我也可以和你们一样，

变成没有感情的动物。

我恨透了人世间的纠葛。

放了我吧。

难道还看不出我已伤痕累累了吗？

就让我最后一次崩溃。

让我最后一次为了你而崩溃。

2010-05-19T21:27:00.002+08:00

Hah....

I wonder if you know,

that I have been waiting,

all along.

2010-05-17T02:08:00.003+08:00

对你的热情
你的虚伪
再也不眷恋

我试着判断试着习惯
被爱的盲点

完全弃权
不让你分配快乐伤悲

放弃为你

再生别用等待来熬夜

放弃配合你
要个情节做个心虚的演员

爱你的泪
明天会不见

春天应该不远

2010-05-16T13:13:00.002+08:00

又来了，一切的一切，又粉碎得一地了。

叶子的离开，是风的一意追求，还是树的不挽留？

又有谁，问过叶子的意愿？

是去，是留，为何命运总掌握在别人手中？

难道，当不能呆在树上时，就必须得随风飘迫吗？

大树，您是否想过，叶子是多么的渴望您的爱戴。

茫茫叶子中，只希望你温柔的一眼。

就一眼。。。

当你已经不再在乎我的存在，那我何不随着微风离开逝去呢？

大树，也许我应该了解。

这么多叶子，我根本就不起眼。

这么多叶子，我根本就是最平凡的一片。

有时候，必非想让自己变得这么暗沉。

在外面的世界，我努力散播着快乐，传递着微笑。

但当黑夜降临的时候，又有谁想过给回我会心的一笑？

您也许永远读不到我的这篇心声，

就像大树永远都读不懂叶子的心声。

但我依然想让徐徐的风告诉你，

你永远是我的大树。

您待我再差，多痛恨我的存在，我仍感激感恩您的庇护。

当你口口声声说爱时，

又有否听见我哭泣中的悲歌？

每一个结局，

描述着你和我，

一首凄凌的旋律。

2010-05-06T17:16:00.002+08:00

I am feeling terrible these days. Yesterday, I jogged for more than 1.5km and thought it would make me feel better like how it did in the past. But it didn't help this time. I am really stressed out. This time, this thing is really grabbing me tight.

No, I can't voice out. It will trigger everything and my world will just collapse.

I can't help holding on tightly.

This is what I've been waiting for.

Just slightly different.

Right now, I'm in a dilemma.

What should I do?

2010-05-01T14:34:00.005+08:00

Been up all night staring at you
wondering what's on your mind,
But I've been this way with so many before
but this feels like the first time.

You want the sunrise, go back to bed
I want to make you laugh.

Mess up my bed with me,
kick off the covers I'm waiting.

Every word you say I think
I should write down,
I don't want to forget come daylight.

Happy to lay here
just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you.

Play me a song
your newest one,
please leave your taste on my tongue.
Paperweight on my back
cover me like a blanket.

Mess up my bed with me,
kick off the covers I'm waiting.
And every word you say I think
I should write down,
I don't want to forget come daylight.

And no need to worry
that's wastin time.
And no need to wonder
what's been on my mind,
it's you
it's you
it's you.

Every word you say I think
I should write down,
don't want to forget come daylight.

And I give up
I'll let you win,
you win cause i'm not counting.

You made it back
to sleep again,
wonder what you're dreaming.

2010-04-29T20:48:00.003+08:00

You are my sunshine♥♥

2010-04-28T22:46:00.002+08:00

突然觉得自己沧桑了许多。

已经不再渴望轰轰烈烈的爱情。

见证过，

经历过

这么多背叛，

所以害怕吧。

天下有情人，

一定要快乐哦。

不可以像我一样，

老是掉眼泪，

没有目的地。。。

2010-04-21T20:46:00.003+08:00

My hormonal fluctuation is throwing me high up the sky and slamming me down hard again.

And it's killing me,

inside out.

I hate it when unconscious tears dropped stubbornly.

I hate it when my already packed brain is still squeezed in by those unwanted thoughts.

I hate it when the fear shudders me, again and again.

I hate it when the idea of losing someone I dear popped out.

And worst,

I hate it,

to know that I would not be fine without that smile,

and the words that get me through everyday.

2010-04-19T23:13:00.002+08:00

过了爱做梦的心境，

轰轰烈烈不如平静。

2010-04-18T22:11:00.001+08:00

When you tolerate too much in a relationship,

You lose all your dignity.

And with that,

You have no rights to speak of Love.

2010-04-16T23:54:00.003+08:00

Just dropping by to remind myself:

Earning money ain't that easy.

So just take a deep breathe,

and don't ever blow the fire out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I am being educated while educating.

And I should thank them.

Still, they're my beloved students ♥

2010-04-14T21:48:00.005+08:00

Anyone would do whatever it takes to keep themselves from pain and tears.

No one knows what's in my mind;

No one understands my feeling at any point of time;

No one has a clue what I'm going through at all;

No one gets why I do this and do that.

That's why, I feel safe.

Cause this is how I safeguard myself.

There are people who hate me.

I don't mind.

There are people whom I should hate.

I don't care.

I, tzeyee, is born to never hate anyone.

No one at all.

Cause this is how I safeguard myself.

I broke their heart.

Just because I took the path

where you broke mine.

This is going to be a never-ending karma cycle.

So let me just end it all.

Cause this is how I safeguard myself.

2010-03-24T22:39:00.001+08:00

今天一大清早，她就对着我大喊：
“我不知道为什么我要生出你来！”

这个问题，
我也问了自己好多次。

有着我，
她苦，我苦，身边的人更苦。

何苦呢？

2010-03-16T21:11:00.002+08:00

琉璃易碎的心，
终于找到一双懂得用适当力道握紧它的手了。

惜福
惜你♥

2010-03-15T20:30:00.002+08:00

我常常向身边的人保证，不管遇到什么困难，我都会以坚强的自我去面对。
“我时个女强人！”我会大喊。

可是，不知从哪儿看来这么一句话。
“再坚强的女人，都需要一个比她更坚强的男人在她身边守候。”
我想是吧。

好像，
自己并不是想象中那么坚强。

遇到问题时，
还是会脆弱得流下眼泪，
会害怕得躲进被窝里抱着熊熊发抖。

崩溃，是我唯一感到安心的庇护所。

你狂骂时，心里是什么感受？
是否淌着血？
那句话，是否另有含义？
你，受过什么伤害？
我有错怪你了吗？

在你的呐喊声中，
我的理智被你蹂躏着。
在你的呐喊声中，
我的思考被你鞭打着。
你的呐喊声，
撕毁了我心灵中
那盏一直摇晃的、
微弱的
精神。

毕竟，
你我受过不同的伤。

你的痛，
为何得种在我身上？

有时候，我恨你。
痛恨

2010-03-09T22:35:00.004+08:00

我可爱又可恨的克莉丝疼阿佛热依乐麻辣得三番两次的要求我写部落格，又因为从前几天开始就内疚为何忍心让部落格如此荒废，才有今天这个贴的诞生。久违了！

近来生活还蛮过得去，唯有的缺陷就是妈妈的暴躁脾气仍改不了，还有就是外甥女李毛毛依然顽皮得让我想把她头发拔光。
刚刚也得知，玮玮她的男友得了病。很害怕，已是身边第三个人了。第一个，走了。第二个，尚在治疗中。现在，这个他，会好起来吧？心情很沉重。原本一个活泼，健康的运动员，为何病魔如此狠毒？
也好久没跟玮玮联络。不知为何，不想主动找她。也许是想把最美好的回忆保存起来，不让其它噩梦把它染脏了。她是我人生最大的转折。没有她，我真的不知我还能不能活到今天。所以，上天，请您一定要保佑她的他。拜托了！

甩开不开心的，我最近还真是个幸福的女人。考到了车牌，是个正式的驾驶员！哈哈！天下无敌。爸爸说他心脏病会被我吓出来，妈妈说她留了一身冷汗。可是驾车的我怎么也觉得我怎么也觉得不快啊！现在我懂为什么罗贯一堆我们的尖叫声那么若无其事了。
学校的考试我还应付得来。比起中学，轻松多了！

第一次，我看见真正的未来。祝福你，祝福自己。
祝福我们。

2010-02-23T21:07:00.002+08:00

I missed visiting Ms Wong's house with my whole class of coursemates. Haha. They were scolding me for being busy all the time. Well, not my fault, someone had already booked my afternoon last Sunday.

Yung, Ming and his girlfriend and I went to watch Valentine's Day. Hmm... Regarding the movie. It was really normal, typical sweet-starting-then-things-turned-ugly-but-had-a-real-good-and-sweet-ending romance movie. One suggestion, not so much actors and actresses. During the latter part of the movie, I not only wasn't paying attention, I totally had no idea what was playing on the screen. Eyes shut! (=

Yung's leaving in less than half an hour. Wish I could send him off at the airport. But he won't let.

I have been suffering from diarrhea since yesterday. And I found out just now that Shuai also vomitted 3 times today. Now, the SugarBun's ice-cream is the biggest suspect.

Janice texted me just now in the evening cause apparently some situation she's facing has gone out of control. I've promised her that I'll stay back for lunch tomorrow to talk to her. I hope that she'll be fine and has the willpower to stay strong.

I hope my life will stay this way all the way, peaceful and sweet.
I just want to let everyone around me to know that
I really appreciate you being by my side to keep me from falling apart.

2010-02-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

昨晚，还是免不了哭泣了。不知道心里到底在难过什么，但还是止不住泪水。脑海里浮现一个好久没想起的人，就一直以泪洗面超过一个钟头。直到勇发了短信给我。好好奇为何他会突然想起我，他回了：“一日不见，如三秋兮。”让我破涕为笑，虽然我知道他不是真心的。但我之后还是睡了安稳的一觉。感谢他让我知道隔天的行程，有了踏实的感觉。

今天中午把成吵醒了，让他载我到Spring。我请了他吃Big Apple Doughnut，自己买了杯Starbucks，再和凯见面。他给了我昨夜那个脑海里的他买的钥匙圈。然后，我认识了他一大群魔术师朋友。他们都很热情表演魔术给我看，所以超开心的！他们说，以后凡是我心情不好，都可以到他们那个档口，他们可以为我表演免费魔术，逗我开心。多亏凯！

之后，和勇，成，明，和个十多年没见面的小学同学看Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief。还不赖，但是，都没在专心看。
今天真的真的真得很开心。
谢谢你，给我那甜秘密。

2010-02-20T20:55:00.003+08:00

I've spent some time changing my blog skin just now and hence has got the urge to blog again. This always happen whenever I change my blog skin, eh?

Everyone has left Kuching by now and my house is as empty as it was before. It feels weird, actually, especially after being so used to squeezing my way through every corner of the house and hearing all the yells and laughters echoing in this now-so-quiet house. It was really noisy for the past 2 weeks. So I forgive myself for being a little emotional.

It had been a great week, meeting long-forgotten friends and faraway relatives. Mummy and Old man (and lots of others *EHEM*) were telling me that I have slimmed down a lot since leaving KK. Haha. It was a big encouragement for me to find back my confidence now. :D No more problem for those used-to-be-too-tight shorts tucked in deepest corner of my drawer. Feels great.

For a few nights, my guy buddies visited my house and we had a little ga***ing. YungKwong won pretty much and treated us Mcd. Sweet him. Then yesterday, I went out with my usual big group of buddies. Xing Yu told me I looked like I'm 48kg!!! I was so delighted. Haha. Then we went to play laser jet. It was fun, but not the part where Kaide and Ruixiang surrounded me, and only me, and kept shooting at me. My teammates ain't protective enough, I guess. But it was really great. After that, very-nice-cum-super-great-artist Xing Yu played one pool game with me. It's been a long time ago since I last hold a pool stick. I miss those times. And someone. A pure great week.

But now, I'm left with an empty house and no one and nothing and no games. How I wish time can stop at those days and I can never go back to reality. But things that need to happen, will come one day. So, live on with my life. That's all I am left with to do. Jia you, tzeyee.

今夜得自己睡了。
希望不会有眼泪的陪伴。

2010-02-20T17:24:00.001+08:00

失落感又回来了。
不该呆在家里的。

2010-02-19T19:24:00.003+08:00

昨夜，
下了一整夜的雨。
老天爷把我的眼泪都哭干了。
今天，我有时一棵蓄势待发的小树。
充满希望，
抬头仰望的树。
我会幸福的，
总有一天。
是吗？

2010-02-16T23:03:00.002+08:00

I know I've let you down

But it's not like that now

'Cause I will never let you go

I will be

All that you want

To get myself together

'Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life

I'll be with you forever

To get you through the day

And make everything okay

'Cause without you

I don't know what I'd do.

2010-02-10T21:48:00.002+08:00

六个小时，我们都没发现对方的存在。
六天，我才坐到了你的身边。
六个星期，我们成为无话不谈的朋友。
六个月，我只能偷偷望着你的左脸。
六年，我们都经历过风雪。

现在，我坚信，
我们的爱，会穿越六个世纪。

2010-02-09T22:30:00.002+08:00

OH MY TIAN!!! I've been washing the floors for 5 hours yesterday and 7 hours today. I have never been so dirty in my whole life. I don't know how much mud had flown into my mouth and how much mineral I've absorbed. I can imagine the worms all tangled inside my tummy, swimming all around from organ to organ. GROSS. I'm off.

2010-02-04T00:40:00.002+08:00

一失足成千古恨

但是，好像你恨我多一点。

2010-02-01T20:39:00.003+08:00

I really am fully qualified to be a pure pig. It's Paper 1's quiz tomorrow, I'm still left with 60 questions to study, and yet I'm still here toot-ing words by words.

It really ain't easy to kill time. Since now Mallie must be busy chatting with her beloved Sam, my hubby is faraway in Indonesia and is ignoring me, and Max having real sweet time with Ah Guas in Thailand, I seriuosly don't know what can I do to cheer myself up.

Uncle just called and I'm going in for interview this Friday!! I'm so nervous. But I shouldn't be eh... It's just a simple sitting-in-and-let's-get-to-know-each-other session. Not that hard~

My driving lesson has been going on really good lately and hopefully I can get my driving liscence by the end of this month. Hubby had been really estatic about not needing to drive anymore the next time he comes back. Haha. But Papa had never been that fierce to me when scolding me not to drive to near the sidewalk, not to turn the steering too much, not to drive so fast bla bla bla. I was complaining that his car was too big and he asked me to report to the government so that they widen the road for me to drive through. That made Mama rolled on the floor. =.= Like father like daughter, he is also such a pig.

I'm having another Paper 2 progress test this Wednesday and Paper 1 progress test next Monday before letting go of everything and celebrate Chinese New Year. The housework at home is UNFINISHABLE and I have been working like a full time maid nowadays. How pathetic. Sometimes, I just wish I can cut off that period of time before Chinese New Year. Stop complaining, I still cannot make any of the jobs ahead disappear. ):

It's sad Hubby can't come back for Chinese New Year. Everyone was asking why, and I wish I could give them an answer too. But too bad, I gotta keep missing him and his hugs. I'll be fine, though.

Waist-deep in thought
because when I think of you
I don't feel so alone.

2010-01-22T13:29:00.001+08:00

I am such a pig. It's Paper 1 progress test in less than 30 minutes and I'm still here blogging. Wish me good luck. Just dropping by to scratch the itch of my desperation.

By the way, I miss Avatar.

2010-01-16T14:37:00.003+08:00

现在的心情很复杂。
身体肿痛得要命，却没人可以诉苦，因为没有人能够理解所发生的事情。

我还以为努力付出时间，用心创造回忆，就能弥补即将面对的空白。现在，却什么也没了。孤零零一个人，电话那一头只能读到我逞强的话语，完全感觉不到我脆弱的眼泪。
那种用尽全身力量相做好的事情，眼看就快达成了，却在最后一秒全都塌了下来。
我能做什么？也许这是报应。亏欠人家的，太多太多了。

我，从来就不应该出现在这世上，造这么多孽。
单纯的爱，经过我肮脏的手，都变成了最丑陋的摩天轮。
是自己弄脏了自己的手，还是，是谁为我沾上了可怕的血迹。

He said,
one is better than two.

2010-01-08T14:38:00.002+08:00

I don't have the mood to blog yet for now, but my blog seems a little grassy, so I thought I should clean this piece of grassland.

I kind of started a whole new life back here in Kuching. I had left home for 4 years! I can't believe how fast time flies. It was hard for me to adjust myself once again to fit into life with Mama. But I am doing good. And now I love this roof. Having kids walking around, people coming in and going out, sometimes Papa and Mama arguing that made me laugh so hard, coming back from school and having sounds in this house. This is my home! Home sweet home, no doubt.

Speaking of my school, I have shockingly (not only you, me myself as well) chose ACCA. It's quite a big step for me, having to drop my lovely sciences and swallow something I never even touch! However, my classmates and teachers have been the biggest encouragement for me to continue taking this road. There is this guy from CHMS1 who's really nice enough to save my blank mind. Everything is going on just great.

Alright, I really am not in the mood to blog now. Gee... But I think I promised Mallie to blog something. We were shopping in City Mall on 16th Dec, before I left for Kuching. Then she started ignoring me for a... What was it? Earrings? Hairclips? Whatever. The point is, she ignored me, and then I was like (LOUDLY) :" Hellooo~~~" Then she replied immediately with a very whiny voice :"Uiiiii~~~" And then the shopkeeper started laughing. It was really funny. I should learn how to express tones in languages. Stupid Mallie, I miss you so much. <3

Okay, I'm off now. Tata! By the way, best regards to Kristy my penguin in KL.

有时候，爱情不是有心就能经营好的。
而割破的心，往往会传染得很快。

2009-11-30T15:06:00.002+08:00

好久都没看见中文，更不用说写作品了。这些日子，忙得不可开交，然后一切突然结束，才恍然发觉，就要回家了。不知为何，曾经很开心的心情，为何现在跌进了谷里。惆怅，忧郁，担心，迷失，我看见自己顶着大太阳，在树林里失措的张望，却怎么也走不出那份茫然。

回到去，和妈妈的关系，回是怎么样呢？不想让我的他担心失望，但真的好害怕自己会忍不下去。毕竟我们俩的脾气都硬过铁，撞起来，真得很不要命呀。嗨~ 不过，幸好我的他告诉了我那一番话，让我领悟了自己一直以来所犯的错误。

已是下午三点快半了，距离我搭飞机的时间还有15个钟头。感觉好像眼睛重重的，又一大桶的眼泪等着爆发出来。Mummy昨天也好像有点儿安静。
我。。。回想念这里的一切。
怀念 Mallie 如何用丑陋的面孔都我开心，让我笑爆肚皮。
想念 Penguin 如何尴尬得告诉我他鞋底没了，让我帮她去食堂买袜子。
想念玮玮如何在我低落的时候给于我最大的鼓励，让我从跌倒的地方再次站起来。
想念当年我们5人一起唱K的那一次。
还有，和高三忠班‘09在一起欢笑，吵架，斗嘴，埋头苦读，辛苦的日子，依然历历在目。
我有过最美好的回忆，在这里，和这班最好的朋友。我真的很舍不得在崇正的这两年，真的。朋友们给了我最真心的欢笑。老师们给了我最大的鼓励，让我再次相信自己。没有你们，我真的不知道自己能如何走出当年的那片黑暗。

不知还能如何感激所有走入我世界的人。没有你们，真的，邓芝瑜不会再使这个邓芝瑜了。
朋友们，谢谢你们所带给我的一切。
是苦，是悲，是欢，是喜，是伤，是乐，我都好感谢你们给了我最珍贵的回忆。
再会了！

2009-11-27T11:07:00.003+08:00

I can finally update my blog!! Omg. What a holiday! Haha. I was busy accompanying Papa and Mama from 10th Nov to 16th Nov. Then a trip to K.L. from 19th Nov to 22nd Nov. Then, a super tour guide from 23rd Nov till yesterday.

Papa and Mama's trip here was... Fruit-ful. Papa went to the fruit market nearby everyday and practically bought back the whole market. He said he would spend more than thousands a month if he stays here permanently. Then once they're at home, the table would be occupied with fruit skins and seeds. They could not stop eating whenever they set their foot into the house.

Then Mummy and Daddy and I flew to K.L. Ah Peng drove us around town and I hated being on a car for the first time in my life. It was a terrible experience that I wanted to throw up more than 10 times. Then Old Man started complaining me being such a tofu! (Well, since there were never anything nice to hear coming from his mouth at all, so there aint anything significant about this.)

We went to Genting Highland but it was raining all day long. So when in the Theme Park, we were practically queuing up in front of games this minute and running into sheds the next minute. It was such a waste of money, until I get the chance to yell my liver out on the Space Shot. Omg!! It was the worst experience ever! Then I couldn't stand up for the next 5 minutes, just crouching aside, attracting sights I didn't want to. Ah Peng recorded the whole thing and they couldn't stop laughing whenever he replays it. My hands were shaking like never before and it was damn embarrassing! Ah Peng asked me to go for one more shot and I kept shaking my almost-came-off-head.

At night, mummy and Ah Peng and I had this plan for me to go into casino. I curled my hair, wore low cut blouse, wore heels. Then when I trudged in, the guard wanted to see my IC. Then I fierced him back :"Kenapa mahu tengok IC?" He then glanced me from head to toe and then said :"Okay luh!" Then I just strolled in!!! Haha. Luckily I went in with Mummy and Ah Peng, cause they RM300 at first, and with the last RM10, they all asked me what number to bet, then I just blurted out a number that gave us RM350, with just a game. Haha. They were so shocked and Mummy couldnt stop hugging me for the rest of the night.

Then we stay in Boulevard Hotel when we're back in K.L. city. I get to meet Max the Sweetie and Kaide the Magician, and they brought me to Carls' Junior for a burger I couldn't even manage eating quarter of it. Then Max and I had 3 pool games and I won 2. Hehe. You think I am that good? Nah... He was like playing with a tiny kitten and didn't play seriuosly at all. :p

I had walked a lot during the K.L. trip, but coming back to K.K. is worse. There are visitors from Kuching, Daddy's relatives, and since both Mummy and Daddy had to go to work, I had to be the poor thing FOC tour guide. The kids were a sore right in the head. I had to go under the sun and get darker! I never ever liked sun. They were so fast at places, without playing and going out, then they wanna leave already. Oh tian. So I was so pissed cause I ran out of places to bring them to. Anyway, Mummy has taken my place and I get to stick my butt in front of this laptop and just move my fingers. (: I finally learnt how to appreciate the wonder of Holidays!

Mallie and I are going for hair-do and shopping tomorrow. (Thanks for the permission, sweetie.)
I can't wait to see a change in my hair, and Mallie's. I wanna buy, buy, buy, and buy! The excitation is already flowing in my blood now. We're eloping to places again, like how we did. Haha. I think I will miss Mallie a lot when I get back to Kuching. <3

By the way, thanks for the effort for trying to reload for me, sweetie. Love you loads :)

2009-11-09T18:26:00.011+08:00

It was my high school graduation ceremony last Saturday (7/11). Even though Papa and Mama couldnt make it, I still had a great time with Daddy and Mummy and my beloved schoolmates.

Good morning, Mr. Big Day!

Me and the future pilot.

The Superhuman of the century.

Our cacat tie which only reached our diaphragm.

Ah Beeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

My Mallie forever!

Dearest AC Milan! She was so sweet that she only asked me where I was going next year and DID NOT ask Mallie.Pretty AnneJo and I.I think he thought I was going to hug him. Haha.

Giselle.

The very very important Penguin in my life.

Joanne Lai the tiny.

Guess what? I tip-toed to my maximum height! Tai Wen Li just has the model body frame.

Ah Bee and Cecelia!

Graduated!

Daddy and I.

Mummy and I.

The S3 Zhong spirit not only shone on the stage, but also enlightens me and my soul for the rest of my life.

Thanks for the great time we shared.

The GREATEST teacher alive. Your love has been the mightiest encouragement for us, and it will constantly flow in our blood.

The gift I received. Roses from Mummy, big plush flower from S2 Zhong '08 classmates.

2009-11-05T15:52:00.002+08:00

天啊！好闷哦。但不知为什么，再闷也不能把自己从凳子上拉开，是自制力太差，还是心灵某个角落正默默的期盼着什么？期待？期待些什么？我也不知道，是心里有一个我不愿去打开的疙瘩。
原来自己那么胆小，那么害怕。

有人托我帮忙，逼我忆起从前那段快乐的往事。快乐的往事，咀嚼时该是快乐的，但不知为何，心头上总不禁涌起一股酸酸的味道。不过，幸好不是眼睛酸酸。也许，伤口已在我没法现时愈合。不，更好像是一股无名的力量正帮着我舔伤。是什么力量？我一样不知。

最近拾起了好多遗失的回忆。都是快乐的，但偏偏那年的我竟那么轻易的忽略了。拾着拾着，好想庆贺自己的幸福快乐。为什么命运这么玩弄我，要我绕了一大圈，失去了这么多，伤痕累累了，才领略到自己曾经拥有但又不懂得珍惜的往事？愧疚的懊恼，后悔的挫败，矛盾的痛楚，突然从整整齐齐的橱柜上跌得乱七八糟。

希问我，如过再有机会，会否再回去新加坡。顿时很矛盾。那里有美好的前程，但爸爸妈妈怎么办？谁去照顾年老的他们？话说回来，回去新加坡，又能让他们光荣，那里也有......有我正到处寻觅的未来。我该怎么决折？老天真爱开我的玩笑，总把我的命运之路安排得曲曲折折。放了我吧。

那棵幼苗现在正在我心中滋长着。即使长年累月没灌它水，它如今依然能长得那么快，让我有点错愕。

丘比特，但愿这不再是过眼云烟，因为我好累，好累了。那个港口，就让我靠一辈子吧。

2009-11-05T11:19:00.008+08:00

I've been fighting with myself mentally and finally decided to wear this for prom:

Then this interference came along:

kissed me, and proudly left behind this:

So, I decided to keep this back to the wardrobe:

But I'd prefer this one, RM129, which was the reason it's still in my wishlist:

Anyway, I wish I could just wear this for prom, and get prepared to be chopped into 16431289741209 pieces by my fellow classmates:

Going to meet Kristy tomorrow to make the angels' wings in:

Yay! Can again fulfill my addiction for caffeine.

Then, we gotta go school for the singing practice. After that, Kristy will be going Metro for pool, and so I shall drop by as well. Haha.

I received some credits for being such an enthu in competitions:

National Physics Competition:

And another one for AMC, Dinstinction for 63 points:

Psst! Look at Tai Wen Li's face, the one on my left. Even I feel like punching her. Haha.

2009-11-03T14:09:00.005+08:00

Last Thursday when I was too excited to even remember my own name after the last paper of UEC, Mallie dragged me to her class and handed me a loosely packed bag with this sticky pad on it:

I was so surprised! Haha. I didn't know so many people would share this present for me and this is the sweetest present ever! Thank you, all of you, for this surprise, even though my birthday is still like months ahead. But I am really happy! Thank you, thank you! And so here's what's inside the bag:

I doubt this piece is for human. It's super exposing. But no worries, cause I'll be doing my best in the protection job. Tube'll be my most intimate friend.

This is the sweet one, but it makes me look like an under-aged pregnant woman. Contradicting, ain't it? Haha.

Prom's next Friday, and I haven't decided what to wear.

This one's too low cut, and I'm worried Mdm Chuang will come chasing after me with her so-called-very-expensive-cardigan. Perhaps go with Miss Tube.

This one makes me look like a present and Mummy was so keen to give me away the last time I wore this:

Mummy had been so Mummy, again, and here's evidence:

[Last Thursday]:
Me: Yay!! Exam's over!!!!
Mummy:Exam over? That means now you're very free right?
Me: Yes yes yes yes yes!
Mummy: Then I suppose it's time for you to get married.
Me: [Stared back]
Mummy: If not? What use do you have now for me to keep you?

I wished that was just a joke, and that she won't tell my Mama this plan. If not I'll be so dead meat.

2009-11-02T16:35:00.003+08:00

Mallie has been such a "Blogger's Mom" cause she couldn't stop nagging me so that I post something in my "grassy" blog. Haha. It's been really long. 3 months!
I can't believe that. But now I'm contented and happy and blissful as a little bird. There ain't anymore books, no exams, no studying, no stress. And I can now focus on losing plenty of weight, preparing stuffs for gratitude lunch and graduation night, doing more yoga and SHOPPING! XD

Life is getting even busier after the tortorous exams. I conquered Bukit Padang yesterday with Kristy the Penguin, Nelson the birdnest, and Jimmy the pork chop. It wasn't that hard afterall and I decided to do it again until I can fit into the tinniest piece of clothes in my wardrobe. And prom night is coming. It's really crucial for me to have some self-conciousness to trim up my body.

Last Thursday after exam Wesley drove me to Damai (with a real fast speed that made me almost pee) and treated me Yoyo. After that went to the oh-such-a-must-go-place-after-exam, Metro and played pool. I learnt a lot from Johnny. Haha. Thanks, guru! I treated Mummy coffe bean and she was so excited and nervouse cause she told she'd never been there. How cute. And the never-ever-absent-Karaoke at KK box last Saturday with Cecelia, Ah Bee, Joanne Lai, and Jon Yap. We're pretty high in that little room! You should've seen us dancing the super un-pro moves, cracking the lyrics out our sore throats and posing all kinds of disgusting looks in front of the camera. It was fun, really fun. Haha. Cecelia and Ah Bee and I went for a walk at the nearby shops and I tried on a nice dress, which was sadly out of my ability to pay for. Pics'll be here soon.

Every girl in our class is talking about the prom night next Friday and exchanging thoughts of what to wear and stuffs. I still gotta go arrange the ballroom business with Tuang this coming Wednesday. I am crossing my fingers hard that things will go on smooth.

Now, our class is just "busy" practising songs for the Gratitude Lunch performance while Kristy the poor thing has to deal with matters like prom night performance, class trip, Mount Kinabalu trip etc. I wish I could do more to help. *Sayang*

These days with more freedom to come online, I've met lots of my former classmates and I'm really happy they still kept me in mind. It's really an honour having such sweet friends. I can't wait to go back to Kuching to meet them since their names had been added in my appoinment book recently. It means more than anything for us to gather and reminisce those old times together.

Alright, I think it's around time I leave. I'll be here soon, trust me!

But actually

the only one I wish to meet

and feel

is You.

2009-07-28T14:47:00.003+08:00

It's tuesday! It's tuesday! And Papa is coming here on thursday! Yes! And by Friday we would be left alone in this piece of magical land. I can't wait to go for dinner hunting with him and embarrass myself. Haha. I'm just too over the moon and cloud and rainbow and even the birds to think straight. :D

Oh. I've been such a goody two shoes to reflect myself on being such a slacker these days. I confessed it to Mama and Papa and so I'm going to get some pills to eat after Papa's here.

I've fallen in love with this song by Andrew. His voice is so nice and the magic it creates with the song's melody and everything makes me never grew tired of it.

终于找到借口
趁着醉意上心头表达我所有感受
寂寞渐浓沉默留在舞池角落
你说的话少或太多都会让人更惶恐

谁任由谁放纵谁会先让出自由
最后一定总是我
双脚悬空在你冷酷热情间游走
被侵占所有还要笑着接受

我嫉妒你的爱气势如虹
像个人气高居不下的天后
你要的不是我而是一种虚荣
有人疼才显得多么出众

我陷入盲目狂恋的宽容
成全了你万众宠爱的天后
若爱只剩诱惑只剩彼此忍受
别再互相折磨
因为我们都有错

推开苍白的手推开苍白的厮守
管你有多么失措
别再叫我心软是最致命的脆弱
我明明都懂却仍拼死效忠

我嫉妒你的爱气势如虹
像个人气高居不下的天后
你要的不是我而是一种虚荣
有人疼才显得多么出众

我陷入盲目狂恋的宽容
成全了你万众宠爱的天后
若爱只剩诱惑只剩彼此忍受
别再互相折磨
因为我们都有错

如果有一天爱不再迷惑
足够去看清所有是非对错
直到那个时候你在我的心中
将不再被歌颂把你当作天后
不会再是我

I forced down 2 big mugs of coffee last night, attempting to keep myself awake for my Biology test revision. The most I could do was till 11.30pm. I found myself really hopeless when I slurped down a quarter mug of coffee, went to brush my teeth and stuffs, and slumped into the bed and fell asleep almost immediately. All the blame gotta go to Mama who was so addicted to coffee and has the ability to take a nap, wake up, sip some coffee, and go back to sleep again. That's the wonder of inheritance.

I'm so dead sleepy right now I can even fall asleep on the library's floor. But I have to stay back for Ah Lai's tuition later. Hope Mummy doesnt forget me again this time round and I can get back to that box early for my bed I've been craving!

There seems like I've got more to say but everytime I sit down in front of the computer I just cant bring anything out of my mind. Maybe, really, I should prepare a paper-pre-blog. That reminds me of my sorrow turning into 19 in less than half a year.

Off to dig some confusing amaths questions for Ah Lai later. Ciao!

I try to hold on
but it's just too much.
I try to forgive
but it's not enough,
to make it all okay...

2009-07-23T16:05:00.002+08:00

Mallie had talked to me about me. Well, yeah, me.
That's exactly what she told me :"If I were to be you, I think I would die."
No, she exactly didnt mean to summon me for an attempt to slash my wrist or jump from a building. I never realized how hard my life has been leading, not until she said that right into my face.

Everyday, I've refused to go back to that box. There were a million times when I wished I'm staying with my parents, under that warm roof. I wished I could argue with my mum over some classmate's results, gossip about the hot guys I saw somewhere. I wished I could whine to my dad just for a scone, cry in his arms when I failed my Physics. I miss home. I love home. And I definitely hate it out here. They never treated me sincerely. All they ever care was that if I studied when I was supposed to, did I finish the bits of rice left in my plate. Everything that came out from their mouth, were so much rotten than how bad tonnes of rubbish can stink. I could bear with it though, at least that what's in my mind until this Tuesday. I just wanna say I miss home like I never did before.

Sometimes, I pity myself. I wrote letters to my mum, apologizing, thanking her and telling her how much I love her. Unsent, though. Sometimes I cried myself to bed just because no one would listen to my day in school and also take a look at the cuts I got when fallen down through an obstacle. I was praying so hard day by day that dad and mum would call me soon. And I'd cuddle myself up in the sofa after dad's flight had taken the depart.

But what can I do? Nothing. I chose my own road to be this way. I deserved all these, because all I had done were sinful. I hurt my dearest parents, I made my sister cry, I yelled to everyone who was trying to drag me out of the hole to leave me alone, to let me go my own way. I hurt them till their core. I am a sinful child. I deserved to be dumped and never be looked at.

This road is bumpy, bloody, and tough. But I will finish this road. And I swear I will survive all the falls. I just want to go home soon and tell my family how much I love them for being there for me and never left me.
Mallie, I swear.

Maybe one day,
even the robots will drop a tear.

2009-07-17T15:50:00.002+08:00

It's Bazaar in 2 days and it's seriously awkward the school is still in a calm state, only the I'm-sorry-but-it's-really-ugly-"Torture House"-tiny poster stuck so pathetically in some hidden corner and a few canopy stalls stood unglamorously had shown some Bazaar feel. Other than that, I could even hardly remember I have to work on that day. I just wish I could escape from the so-called grand opening ceremony. It's a real torture than the IS's torture house, I am 100% positive of that.

Mama called yesterday night and she told me that little Hairy niece (Oh well, I don't think she's that hairy anymore.) of mine looks and acts super like me when I was that tiny. Cancel the part wriggling like an earthworm 24/7. That's requires real tough training and I am keen to know how she achieved that, that tiny precious. Mama was extremely relieved she has my characteristics and personality of happy-go-lucky and capable of laughing at anything and anytime, even when she's having fever, instead of my sister's moodiness. That's my sweetheart. :D

It's 4 something now and I should be heading back to my table writing my feelings on a piece of paper and hand it in tomorrow instead of punching them onto a keyboard. Found the feel to hold a pen now. Tata!

2009-07-16T14:41:00.004+08:00

如何彻底忘记一个真正深爱过的人,我至今仍学不会...

我的难过是如此低调
因为不想打扰我在寂寞的墙角
努力的对自己好
你用微笑回报
朋友或情人不重要
我的悲伤是如此低调
傻子才会哭闹
就算你发现也好
我想你一定会选择
假装不知道
只怕我自己的掩饰不够好

亲爱的,
在此为你写上一份,
一份你永远都不会读得懂的爱情.

2009-07-13T16:47:00.002+08:00

I was falling asleep at my table, so I decided to come over to the computer area to refresh myself in case I fall asleep and miss my ride home. I getting better and better in making use of my time eh?

Hmm... Hadn't been REALLY busy these days. Felt like an inflated balloon after last whole week's tests. After Ah Lai's test last Saturday, I went to Mallie's house with Kristy to do the environment poster and essay competition thing. I was so estatic to have taken pictures with JAVIEROLIBITUASON! Haha. Then I headed to Upperstar for TKK's farewell dinner. Thank God I did not cry when I was there. All thanks to Jonathan being my companion to talk to when my eyes starting to get moistured. Then I had not done anything contributing for my team in that competition preparation since.

MILLION THANKS TO KRISTY aka PENGUIN FOR STAYING UP TILL 4 IN THE MORNING JUST TO COMPLETE WHAT I'VE MISSED OUT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. LOVE YOU SO MUCH, XXXX :D

Also, appreciation sent out to Mallard, the birthday girl today who helped us draw and paint our poster.
HAPPY 18TH BIRHTDAY SWEETIE.
Psst. We're legal for what we've been craving for!

I feel so sorry for not sacrificing 5 minutes of my sleeping time just to text TKK and thank him for all his patience for me, for bearing all my punches and pinches, for everything he had done to guide me all along the road. Perhaps I was trying to cover up all the sorrows with the numb feeling when sleeping. Yes, Weiwei taught me to sleep whenever I feel like crying. Oh dear. TKK, I'd miss you thousands and millions.

Anyway, Bald Papa is coming over again by the end of this month. I just can't wipe that smile off my face whenever this thought popped in my mind. I missed him and Mama so much. Just can't wait till I whine and dangle on his arm again :p

That's all for now. Promise myself to study at home tonight. Promise.

2009-07-01T16:17:00.002+08:00

I am freaked out, mad, disappointed, all mixed up in my heart. I was shocked to actually seen your true colour so clearly. You're all cunning, nasty, evil, planning things all up in your mind. I was so scared to find out who you are, yet today you showed it all to me. Dear, I don't mind if you walk faster than me, if you run past me, if you do things much better than me, I really don't mind. But why do you have to trip people all the way, having all those evil thoughts about killing all those ahead of you so that you can be the first. I had always been scared to unravel your mask. You were so proud, so arrogant, and over-confident. You treat people in the most nasty way I ever known. I really feel ashamed of you. I pity all those that only see you and almost think that you're perfect but not knowing who and what you really are. You're born a devil, with an angel's face. You dirtied the name Angel. I will always, always be careful around you.

2009-06-25T15:06:00.003+08:00

Okay, let's see... 2 months and 15 days since my last post. DO NOT blame me. I was busy.
Busy studying.
Busy gossiping.
Busy shopping.
Busy sleeping.
Busy missing you!
See. That's how busy Miss Then is! I am now in the library, suppossedly studying, but got seduced and now helplessly stucked on this not-so-comfy-yet-very-RIGHT chair. Well, at least I am in the library, right now. See, POP AND MOM!

I rummaged through the library bookshelves yesterday, and guess what?
Artiste? Uh-huh. Romance stories that bring me into another world? I wish. Porn? *smack* Stop dreaming. Comics? That's not my cup of tea, not without my bed.
Wrong wrong wrong...
I found CHMS1's annual magazine!!! I was so excited to actually found my own picture printed insincerely over it, also those friends who played that papa-and-mama role that made me into who I am today. Then I followed up the following few years and all those thoughts suddenly came fumbling down from my emotions shelf. Awww... I missed them more than I ever realize myself. Let's guess, what would happen if I had never left that school.
Maybe I would be No. last--and-lousy-one in class.
Maybe I wouldn't have tasted such true love.
Maybe I wouldn't have realised how true friendship can grow.
Maybe I would love deeper.
Maybe I wouldn't have grown so much, mentally.
Maybe I would be married with a baby in arm right now.
Phew. Whatever it is, the road that I had taken has never made me regret. I guess I am just one of the greedy human who wants to own everything under the sun. It's just best I can take both ways.

It had been a bad period of time lately. (Btw, I just realized every day of my life seems to be bad. How pathetic.) Sorry for me being anything other than sane. Perhaps it's the "magic" of PMS. Not pre-menstrual syndrome. Another case for me, post-menstrual syndrome. Oh. Or does menstrual syndrome throughout my life sounds closer? I wish to change my hormones. Anyone, please?

Oh yeah. STTSS is so all about environmental friendly nowadays. Canteen will stop providing plastics wrappers, spoons and disposable chopsticks. Hip-hip-hurray. No one ever realise how much I love mother earth eh? And I also took part in the environmental pollution problems solving essay held by I.S.
Just had my duty during today's reccess with a dog plate hanging in front of my chest to WARN those "little kids" not to be rude to me. EHEM! Haha. Okay, I was just supposed to tell those who bought take-away food to bring their own container. It was such a great opportunity to pay attention to the prefects (YES!! It's finally MY turn to give YOU warnings and has the right to SCOLD YOU!). Sorry, the grudge just gets deeper after the little prefect confiscated my hair clip with trembling hands.
p/s: Maybe because my oh-no-you-caught-the-careless-me smile seems like a murderous grin.
p/p/s: Her hands were really trembling so hard! Her smile as well, poor thing her.

3.30pm. Time to go back to the table. Apparently my Physics fulfilled the requirement to be sent to the Sabah Medical Centre with severe wounds. Oh dear. What kinda Barbie house would outcome if I were to be an engineer one day? Time to find another way. Study hard, or choose another path. Undecided. Yet.

Tata.
Btw, I miss Hairy Lee so much and I wish I could fly back to see how good she has grown real soon. <3

2009-04-10T18:58:00.002+08:00

My life has turned up so much better, except the "God-Bless-You-woman" part.

Sneaked out for a movie with Loke this Tuesday and ended up reaching home late. Oops! Made up a lie to Old Man that I stayed in school for the invention competition. Luckily he didnt tell Mummy and pushing me into another row of questions asking sessions.

Just now, Mummy was sitting beside me when Ling couldnt stop nudging me in msn. Then she popped out this question :" Which one is your boyfriend?" XD I showed her and she was like :"Let me talk to him!" in her usual excited-cum-eight tone. Eventually she freaked out and Ling said she's shy. Rewarded a slap on my hips for that. Oh dear. I'm in deep trouble. Guess she's too desperate to get rid of me. Really, God Bless me.

Promised Cham Yang to mention him in my blog cause he's pretty disappointed at the fact that his name ain't in here yet. Haha. He's such a naive little boy. He actually believed that I'm getting married this year end to my "21 year old boyfriend" due to "his" family's tradition. Oh gosh. I cried my tears out when he then gave me this really innocent puppy look. HAHA. Whatever. May you stay happy with your girl, little brother.

Papa came last Thursday and left this Tuesday. I already started missing him since. We had a really great time together. Making fun of Old Man, jogging in Bukit Padang, strolling around in the market, shopping in City Mall, flipped Damai all over for a place for dinner...... Now that I'm left alone again. I never knew I'd miss home this much. I love you, Papa! Wish to see you soon again. (Don't get jealous, you-know-who-you-are. You got it everyday, while Papa only got it once for a long time.)

I had been rushing on my invention competition's report this whole afternoon and it's not even half done. Wish me good luck, cause next Tuesday is the deadline. *tongue stuck out*

Please take good care of it,
My broken bleeding heart.
And promise,
No,
Swear,
That you won't hurt it anymore.

2009-03-29T01:45:00.006+08:00

You're everything I thought you never were

Ain't nothing like a thought could have been

Still, you live inside of me

So tell me how is that

You're the only one I wish I could forget

The only one I love to not forgive

And though you break my heart

You're the only one

And though there are times when I hate you

'Cause I can't erase

The times that you hurt me

And put tears on my face

And even now while I hate you

It pains me to say

I know I'll be there

At the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe

I don't want a broken heart

Don't wanna take a breath without you babe

I don't wanna play that part

I know that I love you

But let me just say

I don't wanna love you

In no kind of way, no no

I don't want a broken heart

I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl

No, no, no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say

But untill now I've always been afraid

That you would never come around

And still I wanna put this out

You say you got the most respect for me but

Sometimes I feel you're not deserved of me

And still you're in my heart

But you're the only one

And yes, there are times when I hate you

But I don't complain

'Cause I've been afraid that

You would walk away

Oh but now I don't hate you

I'm happy to say

That I will be there

At the end of the day

I am not trying to be emotional again, if you-know-who-you-are think so. I just put in some effort and got this. It speaks out for my heart.

I am coping with things better these days. Well, not really though. I am getting emotional (sorreee) at classmates departing for their future this early. Not that I'm jealous, just that I feel like I haven't had enough fun with them yet and there will be no more chance to make up in the future. I hadn't had enough of the love from this family, hadn't had enough pictures taken, hadn't had enough laughters together, hadn't had this let's-work-hard-together-for-UEC thing. I wish they will stay, just for a few more months and walk together hand-in-hand.

And I have not sorted things out with this God-Bless-You-woman. She gets irritating more and more each day and would just fumble herself between me and my friend despite our held conversation and started babbling about things she wanted me to do. Oh goodness. I should've sticked to Kristy and keep myself clear off this business.

Had a little arguement (reminds me of Argument equals to tangent y over x and the magnitude is square root x square plus y square) with Mama. Can't blame her, I bet she's upset over my results this term. Well, can blame her, for she didn't know my exact marks and the class' conditions yet. However, it's still my fault for upsetting her. I should've studied more and surely I could do better. I did not try my best, so I deserve her scoldings. Love you, Mama.

It's late in the night. I mean early in the morning. *grin* I am suppose to look for some scholarship application forms but as I said, I really want to stay so much. So I'm here going through the whole world's blog. The thing is, I am not feeling at all sleepy.

Hey there,

The little star up there,

If there is a chance,

I wonder if you would let my wish come true.

2009-03-20T00:12:00.002+08:00

Had a little talk with Mallard just now and she reminded me of our stupid act we had last year, ie the monkey face. She's attempting to make me puke again. Haha. Good try, duckie. I bet you're curious what sight will it be like when there are food tangling on your pretty straight hair huh?

Anyway, she influenced me and so I went back to read my posts in May. It still hurts right now when I read it. If time replays and want me to go through it once more, I am extremely positive that I will suffocate. I am sure I was not meant to survive from it, but thanks to all the people around me that gave me the strength, the courage and the reason to stay strong.

Misery has been successfully overwhelming me for days like a virus and I had upset many people . I am extremely sorry to have spreaded the disease in such a speed and make someone worried. I had tried so hard to save everything but I realized I haven't had the slightest and faintest strength and power to do it on my own. I fought my way through this path verbally, emotionally, and physically. I owe no one an apology, because me myself am slashed everywhere from head to toe as well. So please do not come and touch my bruises and cuts anymore with all your lies and stories of me being so important to you and all. Please, you must know how much I hate lies.

Keep me immuned
from the pain you are giving me
by leaving me alone.

2009-03-17T23:22:00.003+08:00

Oh my poor poor poor blog. Been neglected for such a long time. Apologies. I hadn't been allowed to come online due to exams, and of course my discipline that caused Mummy and Daddy headache.

Life has not changed much, just that I've turned fairer. (Thanks for your criticism, Ling)

Went for a hughnormous day of shopping with Mummy on Saturday as a reward for me.
A loud kbox and drooling Race to Witch Mountain with Anna and Weiwei on Sunday as a reward for ourselves.
A more flooded drooling Twilight and butterful-scented noodles frying in Anna's house and then later pictureful party at Teacher Chuang's on Monday night as a reward for the whole class.

The shopping with Mummy was great cause she'd generously bought me tonnes of ex stuffs. Oh gosh. But the goody-two-shoes-me didn't dare to ask for much. Eventually she spend around 200 bucks on me. She consoled me that she didn't pay for the things, the bank did, when she just needed to hand out the magic-card! Lol for my Mummy. I treated her yogur-berry and stuffed her to death. HAHA. I still owe her a coffee bean treat still though. :p

Sunday was a real fun. Played emotions roller coaster in kbox, alone. Sang a whole load of songs. Not my fault, once I let the mic down, all 3 of them started "Tze Yee Tze Yee...... Ji 'shit' ji 'shit'......" This sounds sick, sorry. Then later we went on for a movie and the guy Seth was so cute. Thanks for the fun, guys! <3

I went to Anna's house early in the morning following Mummy and we watched Twilight and I almost wash her house away with my saliva. Edward is the best dream ever. Oops! Okay, let's proceed to the part where the God-knows-how-disgusting-the-noodles-is was ehem, produced in the kitchen. There were 5 cooks and I thought the more the merrier, yet things just happened to be different in our world. Luckily it was still edible. The party at Teacher Chuang's place was a real good memory. Too bad no one swam. People would definitely trip on the eyeballs all over the floor then. The playground had instantly became our photographing studio and flashlights were seen everywhere.

I'm starting to love my class more and more, really and truly.

Do you know

that I've been craving to tell you

how much I've got you in me,

yet so afraid to fulfill your wish,

that you might just turn back

after I do so...

2009-02-04T13:02:00.002+08:00

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After centuries of waiting, my beard growing out and dropped again, I finally got the sympathy of Mr. Internet and let me in here. Gosh! I should've listened to J.Yap, library's internet really sucks. But since I haven't updated my blog for months, it's worth it to try. :D Appreciation to Ah Lai the true Mr-to-be.

Life had been much busier these days. Look, Sports Meet is tomorrow onwards and the time I spent at home since this Monday was less than 18 hours. Mummy was and is still naggy about me going out early and returning really late. Bleh~ Who ask Mama to born me as a natural enthusiast in Marching and Dancing. Haha... Just received the dancing clothes today and it is really BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL!!!! In repay, I'm tanned like a negro (which reminds me of Stanley I haven't contacted for months) and my voice crooked like a chicken. Juniors are always hard to control. Knew I shouldn't be the dancing leader.

Had the chance to go home this Chinese New Year and met my cutie niece Lee Hairy. She is an angel! Charming when she had sufficient sleep and milk, a wriggly worm when left alone, like my loud Mama when hungry. I still love her though. The best present ever for the family. :)
Went out with Ling, whom kaypoh Mama couldnt stop interviewing me about. Where you guys went, what you guys did, what you guys talked about... Hopefully this ain't genetically transferred to me. Papa was dead worried. Haha... I was as well when I first saw your hair, dude! Anyway, Mama was so happy. I wonder why, but I think I know why. It's not time yet though.

Even though I am dead tired practising for marching and dancing and only left school at 9 something every night, sweet Mallie cheered up my day again by bringing me soup! Haha... But the Yan Wang gotta learn to put the right amount of salt...

I bet both Kristy and her driving tutor are wetting their pants right now in the car. She just texted to kinda informed me that she failed road A. Good luck girl!

Hey there,
thanks for the early wake every morning.

2009-01-01T17:52:00.006+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! It's a long long long holiday. I am so fortunate cause I've got the whole holiday occupied with stuffs to do and that there ain't any chance for mushroom to grow on my head. Firstly, China trip.

I've been to Nigara Falls!

My fave building in Window of the World.

Me and my 3 mothers.

The magic stone that makes everyone looks pretty.

Mallie, I know what's in your mind about this pic.

I totally had no idea why the hell are they freezing. The wind was terrific!! Our whole table was wrapped up like Osama.

My fave pic with my handsome Papa and lovely Mama.

(Plenty more photos from my camera, will upload if I've got the chance.)

Then, working as a cheap labour in Mummy's office. After that, birthday celebration with the world's duckiest friend. And before school reopens, spring cleaning all day long with Mummy.

I am so very glad school is reopening next week. I can't wait, but Mallard is gonna neglect me for our new classmate :(

A birthday surprise from SJ: http://www.mushygushy.com/U1ML9R

That's all for now. Tata!

2008-11-26T15:17:00.002+08:00

Then Tze Yee hereby proudly announce that she survived from SPM.

Exam was okay, except today's Chinese. Gosh! It's tougher than the BM paper I imagined. I feel like slashing it's throat now. I don't know who, cause Chinese has got no throat. Anyway...

Mallie is still in the examination hall now, scribbling over Ah Q's-don't-know-what-the-hell-it-is. And I'm home supposed to do something to save my EST but doing something more meaningful. Look, I may not be able to come online for the whole holiday, so I'm saving my blog's life right now. That's crucial.

Ohhhh!!! I can't wait till 3.15pm tomorrow. I would yell and scream and dance and sing and... Please do not accept my hug in case I go around giving hugs, please. Then off to City Mall with Ming. Can I give a loud HAHA to Mallie-the-poor-thing-girl-who-has-to-go-dancing-class-instead-of-dating?

I overslept this morning but still make it before the school bus came too-tooing. It's all Leon's fault for calling me right at 12 last night. But... that was really sweet, thanks a million. <3! I didn't get up the bus with a jellyfish this time. I had time to gather my crumpling hair under the rubber band and deal with them in school. Phew...

Flying for China next Thursday. So is Mallie. Thank God we're not heading the same destination, the whole plane would crash with the both of us inside. And Javierolibituason, of course, cute him.

Jenjen is into labouring anytime, according to the doctor. Oh no! I'm as nervous as her I suppose. It would really hurt, wouldn't it? Yikesss... But she told me she's relieved her legs are released from the weight. They are swollen, oedema, I suppose. So biology eh? :D I want a cute cute baby and would smooch her for days and nights. Haha...

Okay, so obviously my life had really been dull. Nevermind, I'll be having the most fun I ever had in my life this December. Psstt... Cause my birhtday is coming. Teehee... and I've got lotsa dates!
I love tomorrow!!!

I am still manipulating around your world.
It's time we get some oxygen,
You and I.

2008-10-13T14:41:00.001+08:00

My latest fave song:

Song lyrics | The Man Who Can't Be Moved lyrics

2008-10-13T14:08:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is the last day of exams and I'm already not myself.

Evidence of examination turning me into an insane:
(1) Let my school shoes bathed in the rain and risked wearing my cousin's size 8 shoes to school.
(2) Decided to lock my mouth the day before Sejarah exam in case things I mesmorized flew away, SAMPAI Mummy couldn't stand it and cared for the first time whether I was having tummyache.
(3) Tried to sneak a cup of bubble tea into Giant and yelled :"APA LAH!" when the guard chased me out.
(4) Asked the shopkeeper of "Presents 2U" where they place their mascara.
(5) Strolling inside Guardian, missing my Sejarah book I left at home, and eventually found myself staring into rows of condoms, more than 3 minutes, I bet.
(6) Stood in front of a mountain of grapes shouting :"Ngo mai POU. TAI. ZI.!!!" while Mummy beside me replying :"Zi ngia teu!", entertaining a pair of couples opposite us.
(7) Dressed up myself like an auntie to school : Tees+Denim skirt+shoes, without belt or anything at all. Jeez! When had I been so tasteless. Mallard's fault.
(8) Confessed to Leon about... Gosh! I was so dumb. Let's not talk about this.

I can already see several big fat "F" slashed across my Sejarah, Bahasa Malaysia, Biology papers and many others. I feel like burying my own head into a tombstone. *touch wood*
Exams was dreadful, but Mallard cheered it up by making me sandwich with high energy so that my tummy wouldn't disturb people around me during exams. How sweet~ Love ya duckie!

Had durian last Saturday. Mummy bought so much that one person ended up eating a whole durian. See how you gonna "sia" me now, Mallie.
Mama called on Saturday night. All four of them, and the baby, went to a resort to celebrate Papa's birthday. How nice. Mama said Jenjen looked cute with her bloating tummy in her swinsuit. I hope I get a photo. Mummy commented her to sleep in the bathtub, safe and comfy. :D

I think it's time for me to get going with the last Physics tomorrow. Hopefully I can absorb everything, and of course, able to speak.
Good luck, people!

She'd left us, eternally, Mama told me. It's unfair, very unfair for a 20 year old young lady.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it to see you for the last time, and say bye to you. You're the strongest person in the world, Phey, for going through the pain alone. Even though you're gone now, your smile will stay immortal in my heart. I'll miss you.

2008-09-26T11:45:00.005+08:00

I found back my laughter here:

Elephant in the way.
Integrate Batman with respect to Bat equals to Man. Ah Lai will love this guy.
Hung dead under square root.
Ninja Turtles rocks!
Expansion means getting them further and further from each other.

2008-09-26T10:58:00.002+08:00

Kristy had been a shoe freak. She can never get peace out between herself and her shoe. She wore a pair of holeful shoe to school and unfortunately it rained when she desperately needed to go canteen. She then showed off her pink painted toenails around the whole class. The next day, she wore a really unique shoe. The shoe was just a cover above her foot and that's nothing different than walking bare foot. It was empty underneath.

I am so stressed out for the upcoming exams. I wrote my name as Tin Plate for Chemistry exams. A chicken will have more common sense than I am when SPM is over.

Mum and Aunt was here for 4 days. Mum brought loads of mooncakes and cakes. All I could see was Kolo Mee. I shared with Aunt before went straight to bed. 2 nights of seafood, 1 night of homecook + durian, 1 night of western food at Vegas. And now I've got 2kg more of tummy and backside flesh. I'm like a Muslim now. I NEED TO SLIM DOWN!!!

Mummy is leaving again this afternoon to Sandakan. Yepp. Left with Daddy again. I'm now opened for kidnappers.

Hari Raya holiday the entire next week. Mock exam the following.
I hope miracles will happen and that I don't die before I see the sun again.
Seriously.

My contact lens are killing me. I wish a computer doesn't have a monitor.

Tata~

2008-09-12T10:33:00.002+08:00

It had been long
since I punched out my grievances,
feed it to my blog,
and hopefully for my readers to digest it.

It was so hard for me to go through all these,
alone.
I was hiding alone,
crying,
and I bet you're laughing there with her.

The rain fell for nights,
but it still fail to wash away the excrutiating pain,
that wakes me up in the night,
crying over the nightmares,
where you're backing away,
further and further...

Why is it her that you chose to be with?
Why can't we talk about everything under the sun anymore?
Why can't we laugh together like we used to be?
Why didn't you tell me your secrets anymore?
Why can't we...?

Every night I enter the room,
I pray that my phone would show your message,
or just a missed call of yours.
Never,
not once.

And I'm still waiting...

Will you ever understand
all the things I'm trying to convey these times?

Another to my......
You'll regret if you continue committing these faults
cause in the end,
you'll realize that home is the sweetest,
and see clearly who love you the most.
Don't ever let me find out anymore things between this,
or I'll never talk to you in my life anymore,
and you'll be the one I hate most in the world,
for hurting the person I love most in the world.

Perhaps it's time
for my life to end
in these continuous tragedies...

2008-08-30T23:22:00.008+08:00

One of my favourite. And Weiwei's as well. We had a great night together tonight and she was being so MOTHER! :D

Here goes "I'm Yours"!

Song lyrics | I'm Yours lyrics

I'm sorry,
For I didn't mean to be petty,
So don't ignore me,
And continue giving me the care I need.

2008-08-29T11:41:00.003+08:00

If you wander off too far,
My love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star,
My love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself
lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me,
My love will get you home, Boy,
My love will get you home.

If the bright lights blind your eyes,
My love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride,
My love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself
lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me,
My love will get you home, Boy,
My love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed,
My love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame,
My love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself
lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me,
My love will get you home, Boy,
My love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself
lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me,
My love will get you home, Boy,
My love will get you home, Boy,
My love will get you home......

2008-08-29T10:29:00.002+08:00

Wow~ I'm finally back! Neglected my blog for a pretty long period of time. Gee... That's the wonder of school holiday! Speaking of that, mine was very contented. Send my appreciation to Ah Lai for completing the blissfulness.

Weiwei and I went shopping on the last last Sunday. Apparently, she was still in the bathroom scrubbing her don't-know-where when it was already we're supposed to me. We couldn't make it for movies but we had a great time strolling East South West North of Warisan Square trying to dig out where The Face Shop was. Weiwei brought a really "glamorous" mirror and I was forced to use it in the middle of the square. We, okay, I bought lotsss of stuffs. The after-war condition of my room shows how much stuffs I've cancelled from my shopping list. Mine! Not Mallard's.

Then dating with Ah Lai everyday from Tuesday to Friday. Mallard and I went to Damai again on Friday. And what? She just flipped through few dresses and demanded to leave after 15 minutes of long walk under the scorching sun. But she treated me EasyWay and egg tart. How sweet. Thanks sweetie!

The weather and I had become friends lately and we arrived at an agreement of being cloudy and rainy together. I digged out something that I wished I'd never known. Well, but I've got a road out of it.
This goes out to the most caring angel of mine: Thanks for being there when I need some care. I appreciate every little encouraging words you gave me. Kept in my heart. Locked in my soul. Flowing in my blood.

This is me and Mummy's conversation:
Mummy: When are you going to get a boyfriend?
Me: *stare in disbelief*
Mummy: *biggest sweetest grin* You shall bring him home and get my approval as soon as possible.
Me: *managed to keep my jaws hinging to my skull* Mummy...
Mummy: I'll be kind by giving him some work to do in order to impress me. The windows need cleaning by Chinese New Year, you know, and I've been climbing up and down the ladder for 20 years cleaning them.
Me: I KNEW IT!
Mummy: Don't worry, I won't tire him too much. You can dump him and get another one by the end of next year. I will have the jobs for the following New Year booked for him.
Introducing you to my HOT MUMMY!

Currently, someone's taking Kavitha's place. Gosh... She's got a heap of instant noodles clanging on her head. Take note, cooked, frozen noodles. It's fine if her knowledge ain't that much. But her pronunciation is like... I bet my great-grandmother would prounce better than her. She still has the pride to ask the student who scored highest in English exam to speak Chinese if we ain't that good in speaking English.
All she could do to grab our attention is by seperating our butts half a centimetres from our chairs with just a book! How? Magic! Swing it hard against the whiteboard or the table. Hell, she's the Minister of Foreign Affairs from Boredom luh... We all miss Kavitha so that we don't have to put spells on ourselves so as to make them turn into milk or some other productive things. Inspired by Queen of Boredom's: "Speak something productive ahhh!"

That night during dinner...
Daddy: *whining tone* LaoPo, how to eat this fish oh?
I suppose he meant where he should poke his fork first.
Mummy: *fierce tone* Like that luh. How else?
Daddy: *still having the innocent expression* Huh......
Mummy: *stare* Why? Want me to feed you uh?
Teehee... Both of them really make a cute couple luh...

Phew... Pretty long post this time. That's all for now. But before I sign off...

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, EGG TART DEE!!
just a smile of yours freezes mine... <3

2008-08-13T20:36:00.002+08:00

Weiwei is right now beside me. :) She's suppose to be here to complete our EST project, but after that found out that my Daddy's laptop has no Powerpoint programme. Then this is what she said :" Tze Yee, you know what this means? It means that God has arranged us to play through our night tonight!" Very right indeed, dude... What can she asks more? "Eh, can I go to your room or not?" Hmm... I know what ya thinking, sweetie.

Okay, Mallard passed me something when I told her I'm going out with Weiwei sometime. It's her "Chopin Lizst", the way musicians call their "Shopping List". Okay, before the list goes, please excuse me, guys, in case you pott ngan choi.
Here goes the list:
1. Bra
2. Panties
3. Pantyhose
4. Sanitary Pads
5. G-string/T-back

I had a really really bad day yesterday. I was so sick that I couldn't even eat peacefully as I have to open my mouth every now and then to gasp my breathe. Apparently the oxygen can't get into my lungs through my nose. Poor thing me. Then I got back some of my papers that didn't satisfy Mummy. She just threw the paper on the table and said :"Why are you retrogressing in all your subjects this time?" How can I ever open up and tell her that I could do so well the previous time because I cheated, and I am so satisfied this time for I didn't cheat at all.

Then someone in class really upset me. I may be harsh in the first place, but honestly I feel no fault on myself and I really don't think I deserve what she did in front of the whole class. I chose to keep quiet, I had to know what to do at times and know what not to do at times. I knew that if I opened my mouth, a great battle will trigger in class. I don't blame her, but I hope she can learn to be a real good person one day in the future.

Okay, the computer is lagging now. I think I will post this post first in case the whole computer breaks down and my whole post just poof and disappear.

2008-08-10T18:11:00.002+08:00

I'm back!! I am done with my exams, and now I'm like a God now. Nothing to do, just dig my head in novels. Okay, Mallard, you're not allowed to read them anymore. If not I don't know how much can Sam hold his patient when... Ehem! Sorry, 17 year old duckie.
p/s: Good luck for your ngan choi!

I don't have much to post up here. Got back my Biology and my Chinese papers. Got really disappointed with my Chinese and I almost cried. Sigh... I till now I didn't dare to tell Mummy that I got back my papers... How bad of me huh!

I've witnessed the opening ceremony of the 29th Olympic Games in Beijing through the TV. How proud I am to be a Chinese. Hehe... Everything was so special and surprising, especially the "He" chinese character. How amazing for all those people to stay inside for so long, standing up and squatting down for so long with limited oxygen. Amazing! Impressive! So proud of the Chinese!

Okay, I've got nothing else to say. Not really in the mood to blog actually, just drop by to let the world know I'm still alive. Sorry if I disappoint you that I still do. Alive.

Oh by the way, I helped someone did something someday at sometime in somewhere. Thanks to the other someone who gave me a chance by doing something to that something of that someone's so that I can do something else and some-word that someone! :D

Can I ever regret
that I am born with
tear glands and emotions.

2008-08-01T11:32:00.001+08:00

How 'bout a round of applause

Standing ovation

You look so dumb right now

Standing outside my house

Trying to apologize

You're so ugly when you cry

Please, just cut it out

Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not

And baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

You really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone

You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on

Talkin' about, girl, I love you, you're the one

This just looks like a re-run

Please, what else is on

And don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

You really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

Ohh... And the award for, the best liar goes to you

For making me believe that you could be

Faithful to me

Let's hear your speech ohh

How about a round of applause

A standing ovation

But you put on quite a show

You really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow...

But it's over now

2008-08-01T10:39:00.003+08:00

Last week's I.S. Open Day was fun! I filled in numerous forms. It was fun, really, but not the feeling that I don't know what I want to look for at all. Anyway, I went to the Science Exhibition and watched the process of hatching eggs, both chicken and mallard's, but unwild ones. They're all yellowish and brownish, weren't colourful, no. None of them is special as my Mallard!

I was so clumsy this Monday. No! I'm sure it's just unlucky. I tripped Weiwei's longgggg leg and fell onto the road and scratched my knees. I went to the Health Office and the wise nurse used a plaster to stamped on my wound. I then spent the whole evening peeling it off from my bleeding knee. Imagine it. At night, when Mummy came back from work, I showed her and she started her night-long speech about me being like a fanshu. She wasn't satisfied. She called my Papa and Mama and told them. Yes, they nagged at me again. I walked in the world's most awkward posture and Mummy said I looked as if I've developed a penis between my tighs. -.-!!!

I had been studying really hard for this time's mid-term exam. I'm shocked myself as well. I was such a good girl cause I slept at 1 something the night before last night just because I had the momentum to solve all the Thermochemistry questions. The next day, Anna was so proud when telling she stayed up till 4 something. Know why? Watch movie. I really deserve credits.

There was once, during lunch time when the girls in my class starting having the world's most inappropriate topic for lunch. Crystalbale and friends starting defining the art of squatting above a sitting toilet bowl. Then they carried on with how we flush the school's toilet, how to prevent the water from splashing onto our "watermelons" when the poo fell into the hole, what really happened when some of us didn't know how to squat and wet our pants. And all these started only after a sentence of Ellyn's "I feel like poo-ing."

I ain't very lucky today. I bought a pack of food from Vegetarian Stall and guess what? A cockroach I held together with my noodles! AIKSSSSS!!!!!!!! I was so grossed that I almost vomitted. VunVun, KaiWen, Vivian, Kristy, and Crystalbale took this chance to take revenge on the Aunty cause apparently she scolded them before and this sent Vivian into the Discipline Board. She just gave me back my money and didn't even apologize. I wish I had a lawyer with me. The roach... Clanged between my noodles... EEWWWWW!!!!!!! And stupid Nicholas the wolf told me that he saw the legs were gone! What a way to console me huh.

I hope I can do well for this time's exam and cheer myself up. Yay! Oh! And did I update that my sister is expecting a daughter this December 5th. I'm going to be an aunt! :D

Jia You to everyone for exams!

If you ever find yourself
Lost and all alone
Just close your eyes and think of me
My love will get you home
My love will get you home...

2008-07-27T03:02:00.005+08:00

It's 3 something in the morning and I can't get to sleep. Yay! It's Saturday night, so I can upload pictures of mine. Aww... It's pathetic that I kept posting others' photos rather than mine and you call this MY blog. :D

The burning spirit of Senior 2 Zhong. <3 I can fly!!!
Poon's well done job.
A S.S. pic of mine.
Another S.S. one.

Me and Becky aka my twin.
I look old. Well, perhaps I am.
Snapshot from Mallard's concert. Cute aint she?

Okay, I just wanted to be like cowboy.

I'm going school tomorrow for the IS Open Day opening ceremony. I can't wait, cause they're having a really BIG education fair! Doesnt this sound great? They're also having bazaar, and Science Exhibition. Mallard said they made colourful chicks last year. I can't wait. Wonder why don't they try making colourful Mallards.

2008-07-25T11:38:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO

PEX THE GREAT! on 17th July.

Sorry for the late wishing. But hope my sincere wishing can cheer you up! Loves!

2008-07-25T10:34:00.008+08:00

I WANNA GO TOILET!! That's what the cardboard spells. Teehee...

Know what? I think your hair can compete with the Bird's Nest in Beijing. Heehee...

I've got a nice good news. Mallard is no longer obstreperous like before. Trying very hard to get rid of your habit of rigmaroling huh? We'll see what glance will RuiFen give you if you can't stop babbling rubbish. She's finally back to the demure Kristen Averyl. I am really relieved.

Bad news. My figure is bloating under the seduction of chockie and ice-cream. I am never a successful dieter. I tried hard, trust me. Failure always seemed to arrive before I slim down.

I feel really lucky to survived from yesterday. It was the most dreadful day ever in my school life. I really wanted so much to dig out my brain so that no one can blame me if I did something wrong. I was brainless what. I skipped Physics Olympic Competition, and thanks God the teacher didn't come chasing after me with Newton, Bernoulli and Archimedes, and drag me into the hall. I won't murder my brain cells for that Competition. I shall save it for the yellow papers in the afternoon.

Then, cute Humpee Dumpee Ah Lai was so lonely that he wanted all of us to accompany him after school by having exam. Grrrr!!!! I swear that exam paper wasn't meant for human. Hmm... I'm starting to suspect whether he hides his brain in his tummy. His head is just too small for such a smart brain and his tummy is just too big for a normal human.

I'm having exams from next Saturday onwards. I shall start studying. Mama said procrastination brings no good. I'll try to believe that. Hehe... I look like a footballer in school everyday now, cause AC Milan said it's time to pull up our socks. See! I'm such a good student. She's proud, I'm sure.

Mama may be coming in August. Yay! I can't wait. I miss her. Hee... And the Kolo Mee, of course. Aww... Classmates, I know all of you are jealous of me. Nanny Nanny Poo Poo~~ Oh! Kristy commented to go Kuching for our class trip. Good choice, LiangMoi. All are welcomed!

Set your heart free,

Let your love fly

Cage me up beside you.

Hug me, please?

2008-07-18T11:57:00.001+08:00

Woohoo~ I’m back after a week of dreaming to come online. I’d always liked blogging, as you guys know. I bet Mallard, Yvonne, and Weiwei were glad that I had got rid of paper-and-pen blogging. It’s awkward, BUT they seemed to enjoy it, BUT I think they’re forced to. Poor thing… I apologize! Don’t ever sing “I say it’s too late to apologize… It’s too late…” Jonathan had been constantly playing this song right into my ears using his mouth and throat. His “fake voice”… My tian. I now desperately need MouthBusters!

Weiwei and I bought a cake on Monday to school for the birthday celebration of Mallard, Sue Ann, and Yvonne. The chocolate cake was splendid! Hope you guys liked it. I don’t like it though, or at least my figure is starting to dislike chockies. But my mouth definitely would fight anything for it. Awww… Ferrero Rocher!!! Oops! Sorry… Sue Ann smiled and thanked us till I hardly figure out where her eyeball starts and where her eyelid ends. Her rabbit toothies were cute though!

Oh by the way, Weiwei was upset over the previous few posts cause I didn’t mention her name. Weiwei ate lotsa cake! Weiwei had toothache under her braces! Weiwei… is petty. Kidding luh. Weiwei’s pretty! I can imagine right now she’s right there lifting her face high up in the sky, straightening her back, causing her “ehem” to be obvious in sight, and say “OF COURSE!”

David Wong just announced that Mr. Wong is now strict. Mr. Wong version 1.0 is gone. Now, Mr. Wong version 2.0 has taken place, and that Mr. Wong version 2.0 is not going to talk to us, answer us and smile to us. Oh gosh… What am I gonna say about this statement of someone who rather drive to the school car porch when the school back gate is just 5 steps away from his house?

Something tremendous happened on Monday. Sigh… SJ, I think me and you are sharing the same fate under women named Kavitha. She’s just as nan gao as… Kavitha, of yours. Let’s not talk about embarrassing and upset stuffs in my jovial blog! But everything is solved by now. Efficient Clucker!

Someone was urging so hard for me to upload my pictures. Sorry luh, but I really can’t. Look… No freedom to use laptop at home. In school, only a lesson of computer a week, somemore, not allowed to poke USB into our precious school’s possession. It will complain:”Ouch!” to our teacher if we do and I’ll be behind the bars for life.

Went to 1-Borneo last Sunday with 2 cuzzies of mine and Mummy and you-know-who. A Hong Kong actor and an actress were there, but apparently I wasn’t interested in them, more for the clothes! It was great shopping in those empty shops cause everyone was fighting to catch a glance of them 2. Just then, the stupxd old man who couldn’t leave his dearie wife a step away from him spoilt my mood! I was trying my very best not to yell there. Last night, he said something really criticizing as well and honestly, I almost walked up to him and give him a good tight slap! ARGH!!!!! He’s the last living thing that I would ever want him to exist in this world.

Since I sat in my new seat, the word “Memek” had irritated me over hundred times. Reward Stone, it’s all your fault for cultivating this good use of language huh. Of course I won’t forget Mallard’s contribution on the spreading use of “Kaciau” as well. And when Mallard won some Reward, it was so happy that it knock right into a Stone in its way. Okay, I don’t know what I’m babbling here. Just trying to practice the art of cheemalogy. Interested? Teehee…

p/s: Mallard was being so nice cause she accompanied me even after the whole class went off. You're my best friend!
p/p/s: NO! You're my best friend!

Shadow filled my empty heart,
But I’ll still be waiting,
for my dream that hunts,
to turn into something.

2008-07-11T11:32:00.002+08:00

July- a busy and poor month. Mallard, Sue Ann and Yvonne's birthday. Let me wish you guys together now first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MALLARD. on 13th July.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SUE ANN. on 14th July.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YVONNE. on 27th July.

Loves!

2008-07-11T10:35:00.003+08:00

Teachers' Day Celebration was over! Hip-Hip-Hurray! I was the most "kelefe" kelefe in the play, yet they spent most effort on me and WeiWei. Our hair, our dress, our wings! Gosh... Everything went fine, so much better than we ever expected. Teachers covered their eyes, students stood up to catch a glance of Desmond-the-ghost, Juniors yelling their heart out. Teehee... Clapsss for SENIOR TWO ZHONG! Bravo!

AC Milan was being a frexk this Monday. Yuck! Started bombarding WHOEVER in her sight and complaining that the class stinks. I bet she was scared by our play and wet her lacy undies, trying to take revenge eh! Haha... And I was forced to throw my wings away under :"Throw it away if you don't want it. Get it out of my sight ah!" She's irritating. Unlike interesting David Wong huh!

AC Milan changed our seat yesterday. :( Mallard left me with Nicholas Fung! Ewww!!! No one can ever understand how irritating he is. I just can't get used to a rough voice by my ears shouting "Nard! Nard! Nard!" or "Sue Ann! Sue Ann!" or whoever he is shouting at. What's worse? He got a habit of coughing into his neighbour. You guys may be interested in knowing how many times I'd pinched him since 7.20 this mornning. But I'm pretty glad cause everyone around me is hardworking, and believe it or not, I had been writing non-stop since this morning. :D Unlike lazy sleepy noisy MALLARD! *proud*

Wednesday wasn't a happy one, but I shall forget it! Because today's Friday! Uhhh~ We're going to wear hot pink and black club tee which we just got last last week. "Cute" bear smiling and greeting everyone behind, pink collar and sleeve, another tinier bear as our badge on the left chest. Bless me guys, I don't know how am I gonna walk out of class with that piece of watermelon hanging on me. Hope my club can compensate our dignity by arranging really fun games this afternoon. Like... clothes-changing-game? Opps! Sorry...

Yesterday Mallard said to me :" I want to be your friend forever." Then I almost teared! Sweet ain't she? Then she continued :" Cause you're one year older than me, and being your friend forever will show that I am always young." Completed with a she-thinks-it's-brilliant's-smile. Tell me, world, is she a human? Or perhaps just a random Mallard that walked into my life for me to kick? *eyes nourished with tears*

Ohhh... I forgot to mention the cookies we made for Teachers' Day Celebration Party! It was yummy! I didn't say that. Every classmates of mine informed me so! Heehee... My dream of starting a bakery in the future is getting close! Just hope it doesn't get burnt down within months. Reward Stone did a great job on his cheese cake as well. He doesn't even need to worry about his employment since Teachers' Day. Lotsa LaoBan is willing to get him to help their cafe. Lucky LuLu.

Eliza said my blog is dull without pics and stuffs. Sorry luh... You should understand that I don't have sufficient time for these. Laptop right in front of me everyday but the monitor remains blank forever. No charger what, not its fault. And! Mallard wants me to mention that she completed her Art project. Congrats, Duckie. I'll find my Mallardbusters soon, just control your behaviour a bit longer.

FAITH . DREAM . LOVE

2008-07-04T21:05:00.006+08:00

My gorgeous Mallard! Sweet ain't she? <333
I don't know what to say about this. Just find her nice here.

Mallard and her smelly duckie tongue.
Mallard and her desired D cup sketch.
Under my care!
SM Arthur Soup aka Ghostbuster. Gross.

Mallard and her "Tuk Tuk" friend.

Yay! I've got a chance to upload loadssss of Mallard's pic cause I'm now in her house baking cookies. So sweet... The cookies I mean. Haha... Apparently she sacrificed her art lesson and time for art folio just to help out with me. And why ain't we in my house now? The stupid oven can make magic when it's turned on and poof! The whole house went black. Freaky eh...

Mallard wasn't that well-behved in... Since the first minute I saw her in school today. She, as well, screamed all her way from school to my house. Then she was performing "butt shaking-cum-thumping-cum-pointing-cum-surprised to see my mama's car" in my kitchen. I can hereby announce that Kristen Thien the Mallard is the greatest butt shaker in the world.

Aww, by the way, our cookies taste like Famous Amos'. *proud* And stupid Arthur Lim just ran away from my house without fixing my oven, telling us he wants to go VunVun's house for drama practising. But! Now he's online playing GAMES! What a great person he is huh! No cookies for useless guy tomorrow.

Mallard's mum gave me soup just now. So nice! Tastes like home... Hehe... Then I've got papaya! Lucky eh? I bet Mallard was having a hard time stuffing in the papaya. She was sneezing till she looked like Rudolph the red nose reindeer, and busy blowing her nose. Tiny, wet eyes, red nose, blushed cheek. Get the scene of sick Mallard? Her mouth was so full of papaya that she refused to swallow in. Teehee...

p/s: Her brother is... noisy, but adorable. And he bullies her a lot.

p/p/s: He said Mallard's friend is prettier than his very own sister. Secret just between you and me eh, Jason.

2008-07-04T11:28:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am currently in a very pissed mood, and it’s all Ah Sir’s fault. She sounds as if she’s the mightiest teacher in the whole wide world and that all of us are the most rebellious students. Yeeeeeesh!!!! WE CAN TAKE GOOD CARE OF OURSELVES AND WE KNOW WHAT TO DO TO GET WHAT WE WANT! WE DON’T NEED YOUR EFFORTS AND “WEIDA”. THANKS FOR ALL! BUT WE DON’T APPRECIATE IT!

I feel so bad, cause I had been in a very bad mood since Wednesday. I bet I’d scolded lots of people. Sorry, everyone. I was just… lack of sleep. But I’ve talked to Teo Yi Xian and he was like “Eh! I thought you were angry at me?” And I replied “Since I’m so forgiving, I’d forgiven you. I won’t be angry at a person for so long luh…” Every victim of mine, I hereby apologize for suffering under my saliva. Including Mallard who bit her teeth to stay right beside me till the end of the day. Thanks, sweetie!

Pex called last night. :D Had a girls’ talk, and enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for cheering me up, dearie! Hehe… We were talking about… SJ… Ehem! Doesn’t matter anyway, right? So I shall just skip it here. Heehee… Honey, you’ve got what I don’t have—Love. So since I can stay strong, you must too okay? Don’t ever try the stuffs your maniac-attention-seeking-classmate did huh. If not… I’ll do the same. J

This Tuesday was a rainy morning and I was sitting in the bus, shivering in cold as I ran in the rain into the bus. Then when I saw every other bus-mates having their mums to shelter them up to the bus, I thought of the dark, quiet, tightly-locked doors’ house. I teared. I bet Papa and Mama have not thought about me since Jenjen was pregnant. It’s… pathetic. And I feel so… alone. And 2 months ago the only source of love of mine just poof! Okay, this sounds emo and sad… But the strongest and bravest chicken is handling with it well! Clap for the cluck!

Okay, honestly I feel like crying right now cause no one is able to help me bake cookies today. Pang J – piano lesson; Desmond – decorate the hall; Mallard – put on the finishing touch on her art project; Loke – busy being his cousin’s driver; Arthur Lim & Tuang – useless. AND! I seriously find it uncomfortable and inappropriate to bring 2 guys back home. Ewww… What will my neighbours think eh? I’m a chicken, but not a chicken. Yup… You know what I mean.

Teachers’ Day tomorrow! “Aloha!” for our class and eerie ghost for the hall. Everyone is busy like a rabbit now. Full dress rehearsal later. Crystalbale’s dress is nice, but really, not on me. Bless me with all your life, friends. I am starting to fall more and more in love with my class. Especially when we sang “Wings of dreams” together. It’s the most melodious version, I can swear. It doesn’t just showed our good skills in singing, it is showing the whole world that we’re UNITED! <3 S2 Zhong!

Gosh… David Wong is the most special teacher I’ve ever met luh. One of my classmate knocked the table and David Wong dashed to the door and opened it, upon realizing that “no one” is knocking the door. I don’t think this is his first time doing such “spine tingling” stuff. He’s hilarious, man. And he just pronounced the “www” as “dabiuw dabiuw dabiuw”

p/s: Mallard is kaciau-ing me now and I feel like munching her arm which is flying to and fro in front of me. It’s not that it’s yummy, don’t get me wrong.
p/p/s: I just found out something from someone that someone is going to something in someone’s something. I’m so very angry right now!! Somefood very important meh?!

This is for you, Mallard:
RETARD!

Let’s promise to be each other’s shoulder.
Cause that’s not what I care about.
Let’s promise to be each other’s shoulder.

2008-06-28T20:11:00.002+08:00

Yay! I now "steal steal touch touch" come up here to blog! Hehe... Mummy's online, then I told her I wanna choose music for my competition. Then I come here to blog :)

I'm so stressed up these days. Lotsa things to be done. Angels' stuffs with WeiWei; Teacher's Day's celebration cookies with Mallard; EST 'cloning' project with my group; Teacher's Day being angel; Chinese poem reading competition... Okay, I wanna scream right now. But it's feels kinda good sometimes to keep my time occupied. Then I won't think so much about... Ehem, stuffs.

Regarding our rehearsal yesterday... It was the first time in my whole life that I wish there's immediately a hole for me to dig myself in. When WeiWei and I tiptoed upon reaching Desmond, all the audience laughed their heads off. I know cause when I walked out of the stage, the floor is full of heads. Teehee... That sounds gross. But I seriously embarrassed my life out.

Mallard was sooooo well-behaved yesterday when Loke drove us home. Compliments for my you! Except that she was joystick-ing the honk, again. Loke's car was behind Arthur Lim's and ahead Poon's. Three of us were so busy waving to the front and the back. Eventually we were waving to Arthur Lim's hair cause he was wiping his glasses. Luckily his dad didn't see his maniac-waver classmates.

Okay, right now I'm waiting for Mallard's call. Housewife shopping tomorrow! Gotta get ingredients for cookies. Wish us luck~

Senior Two Zhong! ALL THE BEST IN TEACHER'S DAY'S PERFORMANCE.
p/s: Especially the angels. :D

Realization......
the best medicine,
the most poisonous poison.

2008-06-27T11:33:00.002+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY DEARIE SENIOR TWO ZHONG!!!!!
We’ve passed the rehearsal and got chosen into the Teacher’s Day performance. Yay!!! I know Crystalbale cried. I saw your tears, sweetie. I know everyone had been putting in a lot of effort in this play. And it’s really touching to see everyone busy-ing their butt out this thing. After all, “Unity Is Strength” is our class’ slogan isn’t it? Uh-oh… But… That means I really am going up there, being an angel! And apparently WeiWei was suggesting that we should dance Cha-Cha up there. Angels with our butts shaking, shoulders in and out… Get the scene people? My wise advice: Close your eyes when it’s time we go out.

I am fully covered with bacteria now cause Mallard had been constantly coughing right into my face since Tuesday. We should blame Sam for that eh? Heehee… I know all the naughty stuffs!! Mask wanted, Reynard aka Reward, if you ever see this.

Uh… I had a dreadful day last Sunday. Daddy had been asking AC Milan questionssssss and I swear it was more than just embarrassing. I bet AC Milan saw me making faces. Once we got home, all the phones were occupied. People from under the same roof were calling people from under the same roof. And within minutes, my whole family was discussing about my results. Good news: I’m still alive, and very fine.

I was supposed to go Vun Vun’s home for a barbeque-cum-gathering-cum-celebration this Tuesday. But I was trapped in a severe traffic jam for 2 hours after school and kinda developed phobia for car that particular day. How sad. BUT!!! I escaped from paying 12 bucks. Phew~ Teehee…

Ooohhh!!! Last Monday was so fun!! All the girls were competing with guys in soccer and ALL of us were muddier than ducks! Including Mallard, of course. Nice Teo Yi Xian gave a kick in a pool of muddy water and nicer, I was standing opposite him, receiving the muddy water into my hug. You must be glad I didn’t kill you man. Even though we girls only scored a ball, but I believe all of us were having more than just fun. New memories!

Today is another rehearsal! Psst~~ Loke is coming back to school to drive me home again later after his tuition. He’s just being nice. :D Yay! No toinggggg toinggggg-ing butt in school bus today! Oh… But I am going to enjoy trembling up the stage again. Big butt angel wagging up the stage! Enjoy, people!

I had been suffering from diarrhea, dizziness, tummy ache, and headache. I… I am carrying Weiwei’s child!!! Haha… Seems like I’m advertising this everywhere eh? You gotta marry me already luh. Don’t disappoint Mr Lai by the way.

Haik Haik Shoi Wai Lei Chi Sam,
Haik Haik Ngo Wai Lei Chi Sam!
Anyone can understand the chickee duck language?

walk past me once more,
so that I can remember your smell.

Those nights that you cried alone...
Remember the feelings,
and don't hurt anyone anymore.

2008-06-20T10:41:00.003+08:00

Erm... I want to apologize to someone here. I'm really sorry for being selfish and inconsiderate that I accidentally hurt you. You may had forgiven me, but I just want to let you know that I am seriously guilty. I swear I won't do it again, okay? So sorry... Know what? You're the greatest friend ever who is willing to stand by my side during one of my weakest period of time. Thank you, and sorry!!!!

Made it for I'm-so-proud-of-her-Mallard's concert, and it was... awesome! Her mom who kept feeding me food, I mean. Kidding luh... Mallard's "When You Believe" nearly succeed in summoning my tears. She was so graceful and fantastic up there! (Pssst: She looked like a bride, Sam!) And I was really proud of my duckie! Know how I recognized her? Shhh... Our secret. (Pssst: Mallard, magic number 7!)

Mallard was so full of hatred last Friday during club that she scribbled my whole left arm, spitted saliva onto me, and scratched my face with her not-so-blunt fountain pen. She promised to marry me if anything happens on me due to that scratch.

I had a wonderful YESTERDAY yesterday. I bet no one noticed that I was trembling all the way in and out the stage with the awful wings sticking out at my back. Luckily Weiwei's are crooked to make mine looked better. Once both of us reached Desmond-the-ghost, I couldn't stop laughing cause apparently I see no difference between him and a person being punched at once an eye. He looked more like a gangster victim than a ghost. But we did well, especially the 3 ghostbusters. Oh gosh... They're stunningly handsome!!! *gasp*drool*bite my fingers* Yes, Ave, I hear your thundering ENOUGH!!! Mallard said Weiwei and I had got devil's figure but not angel's face up there. Argh!! I know the difference well alright.They should have got someone fatter than me instead of Weiwei luh. Then we'll be like fairy godmothers instead of angels. Teehee~

Loke drove Ave, Desmond and I home yesterday after the audition. Guess what? Kristen Averyl Thien Shu Peng the Mallard was tremendously noisy in the car. Desmond plus Loke arguing with her equals to me stuffing my jacket's sleeves into each ear, smiling to the advertisment along the road. I swear Mallard had got dual personality: gentle (YUCK!), shy (YUCK!), quiet (YUCK!), nice (YUCK!) vs mad, indescribably noisy, hyperactive, evil (by constantly reminding the whole world I taught you to be hyper). Very well, I hereby swear that she shouted through the car's rooftop and shook her body all her way from school to Consfood and to home. Glad that she was the first to get out of the car. I had ground 1cm off my 1cm teeth. I was the last one, and Loke told me there's a cricket in him Eclipse box. I asked him to open so that it won't jump onto me and I could catch a glance of it. Then... It was just an empty one!!! Arghhhh!!!!! He fooled me... I almost kicked him out of the car and drive home myself. But he was trapped in a jam for around an hour just to send me home. How sweet. :) I shall forgive him then. Thank you Loke Chee Khai!!!!!!!!

Daddy ought to feel honoured cause I cooked him dinner last night. Not so bad... Input: 3 eggs; Output: 2 eggs. Darkie went into the bin. No locked eyebrows, those are just wrinkles. No puking, he was just coughing. No diarrhea, he just went in to pee. I made him muffins on Father's Day too okay. Not even my own Papa ever tasted that. Papa and Mama ensured me that I can find a real good (and perhaps plump?) husband in the future with my excellent cooking and baking skills. Yay! :D

I realized my posts are getting wordier. Forgive me. Once a week, so read a paragraph a day luh. I'm so brilliant! Haha... Uh-oh! Report card this Sunday. Daddy who always has a speech longer than the giraffe's neck is going to meet with sexy lips owner AC Milan. Don't forget your video cam, Mallard. I'll be dead chicken. Bless me!

Give me some light,
I'm dying under your darkness...

2008-06-13T10:31:00.002+08:00

I finally grabbed a chance to come sayang my poor blog. Literally "poor". It's like so empty as that stxpxd old man luh... Aww... David Wong is standing with poise in front of the class screaming into the air.

I had been really fine this week. As in, really really fine. Apparently, I just added a sister in my family list. Elder one. And everyone knows how much I love her. <3!!! She sent me another GushyGram and it was sweet, even though my face's suppose to be in it to cheer me more. Haha...

My constant source of irritation had been bugging the word "kaciau" over a thousand times since the first day of school. I'm absolutely not exaggerating this and my patience is running it's way out. Watch out for my punch Mallard, really. Once more and you'll be above the ceiling, or you prefer mud? Cause that's where I think wild ducks like to be in. WAGGY WAGGY BUTT BUTT!!

AC Milan had been an irritant on the first day of school. The buoyancy in her hair had not decrease any. And her lipstick is still eye-stricking as before. Bte, since last Sunday, I had used up 25 bucks on my phone. Heehee... No, I won't buy you anything at all, Mallard. Nanny Nanny Poo Poo... I rather spend money on my phone. Haha... Weiwei's so sweet cause she decided to stay back and accompany me in school tomorrow rather than scrubbing herself clean in the bathtub. Hounoured. Then we'll get stinky and dirty on our way to Damai. Mallard's out cause she's having a concert tomorrow night.
Last effort of mine: Anyone who's interested in watching " I Too Can Be A Star"? RM 30 per student and RM 50 for adult @ 14th June @ Yayasan @ 7.00pm. Note this: Free Colonel burger and Zinger Burger! But I don't think I can make it~ She'll only care about her Sam's presence only anyway.

Yay!! There's club today. Haha... Somebody's gonna flirt the XiaoDiDi again. I hope the teacher will approve my earrings. It's really ugly enough to prove that I did it. And also hope that I won't laugh or embarrass to death today. Mallard, behave yourself.

Know what? Report card next Sunday. I'm so dead dog luh... And what's worse. Daddy's coming with me. Ohhh... He'll embarrass me so much luh! Imagine, spending 4~5 days alone with him. I just wanna die. Somebody just kidnap me for that few days? Next Thursday to Sunday, please. Mummy's going to Kuching to attend my youngest aunt's wedding. She's getting married to an Indian. Whoo... Multi-racial family. Dad shall allow me to marry a Negro.

Okay, this post is really long. And it's all Daddy's fault for hiding the charger at home. Yuck! Now I can only update once a week.
Toodles~

And she's got everything
that I have to live without.

2008-06-07T23:29:00.003+08:00

It was the first time for these 2 years that I'm so eager to go home. To feel love... But I'm sure I didn't have much of it. My papa used to bring me everywhere but this time, he refused to bring me to any of his work places. My mama... Gosh! She had started collecting baby chair, children's book... She's really excited about her grandchild-to-be eh!!! And my sis' tummy is bloating!! It was... soft soft... and it went toingggg toingggg~~ :P

I had been missing Mallard so much these days. Miss your whacky lousy jokes, miss your ugly monkey face, miss your D cup desire, miss your handwriting, miss you nagging me when I didn't wanna do my homework. Hey guess what? I finished my Moral photo taking!! I'm a good girl ain't I? Another ice-cream? We got the ticket to the... What is it again? Just, anything, we've got another chance for ice-cream. Mallard!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I don't think I have much story to tell here. I locked my phone in my drawer in KK to hide away and runaway from all the realities. But I failed. I smelt the perfume, scenes just flashed through so clearly in front of my eyes. Familiar staircase in the dim light, the door, the... I seriously hate this. And apparently I found a correction tape with chinese character "ZiYi" on it with my familiar handwriting. All these are haunting me, and I just wanna sweep everything aside. I need help, but I'm so helpless. I need to go back to school soon so that stupid Mallard can cheer me up and keep myself busy with SPM.

But I don't want school to start cause that means I'm going to seperate with Mallard! AC Milan is going to change our seat. I'll cherish every Friday then. Hope Sam won't get jealous. :D Btw, Mallard, I got dizzy reading your ups and downs with him. But I'm glad you guys get back well afterall, did you? Told you I was blur reading your tags.

Anyway, I missed Jasmine and Anna as well. At last I mentioned their names here. I bet they never came and read my blog. Well, actually I missed everyone.

It's school tomorrow! I can't wait.
Mallard! My laughter is coming back to your side!!

2008-05-21T16:13:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, Mallard was being so Mallard that she made me a monkey pose and I almost puked right into her teeth. She then tried to stop my laughter by explaining that she just wanted to entertain me. Then I started sketching how the monkey looks like to give her an idea how ugly she was and she grabbed my book and drew something really "nice". I bet she's satisfied with her desired D cup from the pic.

I'm emotionally unstable again these days.
I read "Crying Out Love In The Centre Of The World" and I told Mallard:
It's so unfair how someone get the love they don't deserve without even any effort. Yet for someone who put in all their life and wishes so much for a person's love, they never get it.
It's just so unfair, isn't it? It is... And unfortunately, I'm that person whom God treated unfairly.

And there's this story I wanna share with everyone.
A couple quarrelled and the guy, being really angry, left the girl's house. He spent his night thinking about the quarrel, and the person he loves most - the girl. The next morning, he decided to apologize to the girl and so he came to the girl's house. He pressed the doorbell once. Nothing happened. After a minute or so, he pressed it the second time. Still, she did not open the door. "Alright, this will be the last try. If she doesn't forgive me, there's no need for me to put aside my dignity." he thought and pressed the bell for the third time. Despairingly, the door remained closed. He walked away miserably.
The girl's friends heard this and asked her why didn't she open the door for him since they still love each other so much. And this was what she said :"The first time the doorbell rang, I was still angry at him, so I remained in my sofa. The second time he pressed the doorbell, my heart softened, but I was still angry, so I gave no answer. The third time it rang, I walked towards the door and decided that if he attempted the forth time, I would open the door and forgive him. I waited for the rest of the day for the forth doorbell, yet it never rang again."

It's just a pity, isn't it?
I swear, I don't wanna be regret,
For things that I've done,
Or things I've not done.
And I just want you back.
Yes, I'm officially asking you back.

Turn back, will you?

My heart is crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing,
You cut me open and I...

2008-05-19T10:36:00.007+08:00

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

People said:
The starting of happiness,
Is to let go and love.
But they never mentioned
How dreadful it ends.

"The person you love most,
might not be the one who walks with you till the end.
And the person who walks with you till the end,
might not be the one whom you love most. "
I'm starting to believe these words.

Today's 19th.
It used to be a special day to me,
And to you.
But it's no longer,
When that sky for you is better.

Will you ever turn back
And speak those words,
That I had been waiting for
Since the second you said "I'm sorry"?
Please do...

you're still a part of everything I do
you're on my heart just like a tattoo

2008-05-14T13:37:00.010+08:00

I was once your angel,
That's what you said.

But now I have to bear the pain,

To tear down my wings,

For you to fly up high in the sky,

And be her angel.

There was a wish,

That I used to wish everyday.

That is you'd be happy,

No matter what will happen,

Cause I didn't want to see you upset.

Now, do you still need my wishes?

Remember me tonight,

When you're asleep,

So that you can see...

How heavy is the sadness and despair

That lies in my eyes.

It hurts...

And it keeps bleeding.

2008-05-13T13:43:00.009+08:00

I pounded millions of words into my phone.
Have you received those unsent messages?

The tender touch you gave me when you thought I was asleep,
I can only dream about it when I'm asleep.
The kiss I gave you when you're asleep,
Do you even think about it when you're asleep?

You said you'd make me the 2nd happiest person in this world,
while you're the 1st.
You didn't know you made me the 1st.
But now you threw me far to the bottom.

You left me with
hundreds of bruises,
thousands of pricks,
millions of stabs,
billions of shots.
When will I recover from you?

Everyone's a rose. You love that rose, you gotta love its thorns too.
But honey, why didn't you show me your thorns in the first place,
and reveal it only until I fall so deeply for you?
If you never loved my thorns,
don't ever let "I love you" come out from your mouth then.

You are a trap that made my love crushed when falling into you.

2008-05-12T16:01:00.003+08:00

I know I shan't be doing this at this time, cause Angela Chin taught us to do the right things at the right time.
But I'm dying from the core.
I'm dying for your voice,
I'm dying to hear from you,
I'm dying to go back to the past,
I'm dying for your warmth,
I'm dying to get back to your side.
Yet I can get nothing at all. I'm the lousiest human ever exist.

I just wanna say goodbye to this world.

my life without you seems endless,
and i just wanna end it right now.

2008-05-09T16:33:00.002+08:00

It feels like I'll burst into tears anytime when I'm alone. That's why I'm here. At least I won't think so much.

Ave and I eloped to Damai last Sat. I bought a 120 bucks bag that I really think is worth it. hurhur... Just between you and me yeah. LangBeiWeiJian!!

Today's school was good. I wanted to kill Comp teacher, the best hypnotizer ever. I fall almost fall asleep again in Amaths. We were suppose to freeze at 1.30pm, Ah Lai knew our plan, I bet! I wanna see him scolding all the un-moving nerds. hurhur... But he dismissed us 25 mins earlier. And guess what? NO EXTRA LESSONS FOR TOMORROW!!!! Sometimes I just love him. Sometimes.

I started calling Ave MALLARD and she loves it, cause of our similarity. I've got TZEEEEE, so we're fair. Porco RETARD, I just love you being around me sometimes. Thanks so much for "abathen" show, and making me realize physics teacher's shitting and peeing. <33

There's no club today, and Ave's pretty sad that she can't see xiaodidi. I don't wanna meet him in case he still remembers the scene when I shit. I'm sure he doesn't wanna meet the Then Thien Then Thien sisters too and face their super enthu.

I'm so touched cause VunVun gave me vaseline for my lips. And we kinda read a book together in the library. She's nice to me that she even massaged my palm yesterday. :) I'm starting to like my classmates more.
And someone sent a GushyGram that made me laugh my head off. It's so cute, even though I looked retard. But the words touched me.

Everyone asks me to stay strong. Proudly, I am. At least for now, cause I really need to start revising for my exams.

i wanted you to stay
with me for just a night.